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Some people say that modern innovations bring a lot more problems than benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement. v.6

Some people say that modern innovations bring a lot more problems than benefits. with the statement. v. 6
Since the era of the Renaissance of the 16th century, Humans had grown exponentially diligent. However, some think that new inventions will bring countless issue to society, but, others disagree. This essay shall argue that modern innovation grants us many essential things, such as communication and food. Communication grant our connection with every single human. By satellites and cables, internet allow us to communicate with each other, regardless of the distance. This has an enormous impact in our global society. Because, it could trigger our cooperation with each peer. Therefore, Break our limitation of distance. A survey of the world department of communication cites that 90% of humanity had been connected with the help of internet, it was quite surprising, since in the 20th century, only 50 % of human were able to communicate. Email and Lines are one of the most popular examples to depict our great communication. Agriculture has been the first priority in human civilization in all of the history. Because, it limits our growth of population. Without required breakthrough of farming, Humans will starve and potentially extinct. Therefore, agricultural innovation has been The apex priority of the current human experiment. In fact, even US that was famous for their technology struggle to cope up with their population diet requirement. Thus, the Food breakthrough invention is tremendously vital for humankind to thrive. All in all, Despite of unmentioned drawbacks, inventions are essential for human to survive on earth. Even though, some issue such as climate change remain a major issue, the human would deprive without the help of it. nonetheless, it was an action for a greater good.
Since the era of the Renaissance of the 16th century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
had grown
exponentially
diligent.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that new inventions will bring countless issue to society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, others disagree. This essay shall argue that modern innovation grants us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
essential things, such as communication and food.

Communication grant our connection with every single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
. By satellites and cables, internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to communicate with each other, regardless of the distance. This has an enormous impact in our global society.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, it could trigger our cooperation with each peer.
Therefore
, Break our limitation of distance. A survey of the world department of communication cites that 90% of humanity had
been connected
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet, it was quite surprising, since in the 20th century,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
were able to communicate. Email and Lines are one of the most popular examples to depict our great communication.

Agriculture has been the
first
priority in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
civilization in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
history.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, it limits our growth of population. Without required breakthrough of farming,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
will starve and
potentially
extinct.
Therefore
, agricultural innovation has been The apex priority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
experiment. In fact, even US that was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their technology struggle to cope up with their population diet requirement.
Thus
, the Food breakthrough invention is
tremendously
vital for humankind to thrive.

All in all,
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
unmentioned drawbacks, inventions are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
to survive on earth.
Even though
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issue such as climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
remain a major issue, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
would deprive without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of it. nonetheless, it was an action for a greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people say that modern innovations bring a lot more problems than benefits. with the statement. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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