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It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyways they will not get a job in the future. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyways they will not get a job in the future. v. 3
There are biased opinions whether offspring from developing or underdeveloped nations ought to be offered only with primary education and should not be encouraged for university education as they will not be able to get employment in the future. However, I agree that children ought to be offered an opportunity to attend secondary because certain skills like thinking ability and problem solving learned in university tries to curb the problems of unemployment and helps to make a better society. My opinion is reasoned out by arguments and examples in subsequent paragraphs The first and foremost reason why I support the view of offering children an option to attend secondary education is learning vivid vital skills apart from academics. By this, I mean university teaches various aspects like how to tackle the problematic situations and how to use the basic fundamental know-how acquired during primary education. For instance, according to a recent survey in northern India of people between 28-35, 65% of individuals agreed that university education equipped them with various skills and abilities which helped them to tackle difficult situations in life. As a result, secondary educated children are in a better position to tackle and think logically in various troubling situations in their life. Another argument is that procuring secondary education helps offspring to become tolerant and respect other individuals. In other words, children who are university passed out have a better understanding and can think logically about the good and bad for society. For example, in most of the western developed countries, children are university passed out that helped a society not only by rendering their professional service but also by maintaining serene and peaceful atmosphere among people; thereby, having a crime-free and safe society. However, there are a few vital aspects that can not be overlooked in favour of not offering children with secondary education. It must be admitted that nations with high unemployment have a shortage of funds and there are many other crucial aspects where it has to spend money for the betterment of citizens. But it must be taken into account that no nation can progress rapidly where children have just basic education, so having some funds for brighter children and encouraging them to attend secondary education is essential for faster progress of the nation. To conclude, it can be commented that nations with higher unemployment ought to encourage brighter offspring to attend secondary education. I believe that it can help children not only with better skills and abilities but also make them a tolerant and understandable member of society.
There
are biased
opinions whether offspring from developing or underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
ought to
be offered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and should not
be encouraged
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as they will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment in the future.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to
be offered
an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like thinking ability and problem solving learned in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
tries to curb the problems of unemployment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. My opinion
is reasoned
out by arguments and examples in subsequent
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
paragraphs


The
first
and foremost reason why I support the view of offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is learning vivid vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
apart from academics. By this, I mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
teaches various aspects like how to tackle the problematic situations and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the basic fundamental know-how acquired during primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, according to a recent survey in northern India of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
between 28-35, 65% of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
equipped them with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and abilities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to tackle difficult situations in life.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
position to tackle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
logically
in various troubling situations in their life.

Another argument is that procuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
offspring to become tolerant and respect other individuals.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
passed out have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
understanding and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
logically
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, in most of the western
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
passed out that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by rendering their professional service
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by maintaining serene and peaceful atmosphere among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
; thereby, having a crime-free and safe society.

However
, there are a few vital aspects that can not
be overlooked
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of not offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
with high unemployment have a shortage of funds and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other crucial aspects where it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend money for the betterment of citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can progress
rapidly
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds for brighter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and encouraging them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential for faster progress of the nation.

To conclude
, it can
be commented
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
with higher unemployment ought to encourage brighter offspring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I believe that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and abilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a tolerant and understandable member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyways they will not get a job in the future. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
426 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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