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It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyway they will not get a job in the future. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.1

It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyway they will not get a job in the future. v. 1
It is commonly accepted that children who was born in country area should not educate at university or even secondary level, because of the number of unemployed people is high level both in educated or without any diplomas humans. I completely agree that all children should continue their school, even if they do not have any job opportunities. I will discuss the reasons of it in this essay. Some people consider about the rural area's people can not high educate stage because of their jobs are not suitable for upscale intelligent. For example, farmers can not read in many countries. They just do agricultural projects conveniently, and this is learnt to next generate with all sides words by word. In my perspective, if a farmer would read, he could make more profit of productions with regard to scientific and new methods. On the other hand, not only for a job, also knowledge and intelligence are premier significant key in our age. To being a high level educate can find a job, doubtless. However, the most intelligent person can make a difference in the world. Not important every time to have a degree, more crucial is being creative, and smart. That is to say, all youth should encourage to go to school, and college. This does not mean a profession, but open-minded and being futuristic can mean that educated people often make money to live. For instance, a company which is located in the capital city of Turkey, has hired an illustrated but smart people in the last years. They have preferred can not have a degree, but creative and thoughtful individuals. In conclusion, I restate that everybody should go to school, even if they were born in counties. In addition to it, companies and governments should encourage them to study anymore. I strongly agree illustrate the worst thing in the universe, so it should be gone by teaching and learning in all bad circumstances.
It is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that children who
was born
in country area should not educate at university or even secondary level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the number of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is high level both in educated or without any diplomas humans. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that all children should continue their school, even if they do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities. I will discuss the reasons of it in this essay.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean simply "consider the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about the
rural area's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not high educate stage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are not suitable for upscale intelligent.
For example
, farmers can not read in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do agricultural projects
conveniently
, and this is
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
to
next
generate with all sides words by word. In my perspective, if a farmer would read, he could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profit of productions with regard to scientific and new methods.

On the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
also
knowledge and intelligence are premier significant key in our age. To being a high level educate can find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, doubtless.
However
, the most intelligent person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference in the world. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
every time to have a degree, more crucial is being creative, and smart.
That is
to say, all youth should encourage
Did you mean "going"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to go
to school, and college. This does not mean a profession,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
open-minded and being futuristic can mean that educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which
is located
in the capital city of Turkey, has hired an illustrated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the last years. They have preferred can not have a degree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
creative and thoughtful individuals.

In conclusion
, I restate that everybody should go to school, even if they
were born
in counties.
In addition
to it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should encourage them to study anymore. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
illustrate the worst thing in the universe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should
be gone
by teaching and learning in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
circumstances.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyway they will not get a job in the future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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