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It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyway they will not get a job in the future. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.2

It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyway they will not get a job in the future. v. 2
Unemployment has become a threatening concern in many countries. It is often argued that youngsters should be provided job opportunities on the basis of primary schooling while others believe that secondary education should be required. This essay will describe my disagreement on offering work with lower qualification followed by relevant examples. The first and foremost point is that, education is extremely important in making career choice for a candidate. Besides, it is essential to qualify minimum educational criteria for an occupation. For instance, to have job in mechanical industry one should have complete knowledge of the relevant area. Therefore, these skills can be learned while pursuing higher education degrees where practices are also performed along with theoretical subjects. In addition to this, children with primary educations can get occupation nevertheless they cannot make further progress in their fields impacting organization productive. To maintain a balance in the workplace, the organization should hire candidates with mandatory qualification. For example, in a workplace, it will be difficult for management to find more competent and skilled worker. Moreover, to increase employment, government can create policies such as early retirement based on profession, because youth is the future of a nation and they can perform more promptly than the senior staff. To conclude, it is true that employment is a necessity for a youth. I agree to the point that job criteria should be based on educational certifications as higher studies play a vital part in distinguishing between skilled and unskilled labour. However, political establishments should invest more in raising funds for studies and creating employment by promoting skilled jobs. This will improve economic growth of a nation and reducing unemployment.
Unemployment has become a threatening concern in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that youngsters should
be provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities on the basis of primary schooling while others believe that secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be required
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
my disagreement on offering work with lower qualification followed by relevant examples.

The
first
and foremost point is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in making career choice for a candidate.
Besides
, it is essential to qualify minimum educational criteria for an occupation.
For instance
, to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in mechanical industry one should have complete knowledge of the relevant area.
Therefore
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
be learned
while pursuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
degrees where practices are
also
performed along with theoretical subjects.

In addition
to this, children with primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
occupation
nevertheless
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
further
progress in their fields impacting organization productive. To maintain a balance in the workplace, the organization should hire candidates with mandatory qualification.
For example
, in a workplace, it will be difficult for management to find more competent and skilled worker.
Moreover
, to increase employment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can create policies such as early retirement based on profession,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youth is the future of a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nation and
they can perform more
promptly
than the senior staff.

To conclude
, it is true that employment is a necessity for a youth. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
criteria should
be based
on educational certifications as higher studies play a vital part in distinguishing between skilled and unskilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
However
, political establishments should invest more in raising funds for studies and creating employment by promoting skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
economic growth of a nation and reducing unemployment.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyway they will not get a job in the future. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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