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In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. v. 1
There is a controlversial debate that pupils should be offered only primary education if their country has high unemployment rate and it is not neccesary to offer secondary education because the chance of finding a job is little. I strongly belive this statement has many flaws such as undefined correlation between education and unemployment. Hence, I do not agree with it. First of all, we need to understand the reasons behind high unemployment rate. In many cases, the high unemployment rate is due to the economic situation such as high inflation or ability of government to run the economy. Those economics indicators represent the health of the country and likely correlated with job market. Barring pupils from secondary education does not contribute to the progression of economy but also cuts its potential growth rate. For instance, secondary educated pupils should be able to adapt to working environment better than the primary one. Furthermore, people with minimum education may seek for jobs oversea at developed country where there is always a need of immigrant labor worker. Singapore is a good example where there a lot of low educated people working in construction sites and maids working at households. Those oversea jobs are great sources of foreign currency to the home country. Moreover, the idea of people has no chance finding a job even he or she got secondary education contains a major flaw. Job market is defined by demand and supply of skilled and qualified labor and the size of job market is driven by economy and development, obviously people with higher education is preferred, even that job requires no education at all and even the size of job market is small, there will always be need of labor for any industry. For example, demand of labor is always present at low development country or rural area. This idea is not only solving the economy issue but also represent the weakness in coutry government. To conclude, high unemployment rate is an issue of any economy and providing pupils with only primary eduation is not the solution to that problem and doing so may limit the country potential growth rate in future.
There is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
controlversial
debate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
should
be offered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and it is not
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccesary
to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the chance of finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
. I
strongly
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
this statement has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
flaws such as undefined correlation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
.
Hence
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we need to understand the reasons behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is due to the economic situation such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
inflation or ability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. Those economics indicators represent the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and likely correlated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
. Barring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
does not contribute to the progression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
its potential growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
should be able to adapt to working environment better than the primary one.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
may seek for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
oversea at developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where there is always a need of immigrant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
worker. Singapore is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example where there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
low educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in construction sites and maids working at households. Those oversea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are great sources of foreign currency to the home country.

Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has no chance finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
even he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
contains a major flaw.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is defined
by demand and supply of skilled and qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
and the size of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is driven
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and development,
obviously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is preferred
, even that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requires no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at all and even the size of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, there will always
be need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
for any industry.
For example
, demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
is always present at low development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or rural area. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
represent the weakness in
Possible spelling mistake found.
coutry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is an issue of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
primary
Possible spelling mistake found.
eduation
is not the solution to that problem and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
may limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
potential growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
63Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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