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It Is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.1

It Is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1
It is a known fact that these days the number of students taking a break before heading to college is gradually getting higher. Having time off from education would certainly be beneficial in some occasions but there will also be some drawbacks. One evident benefit for having a gap year is the chance of exploring life and interests. In other words, it is advantageous and exciting when people are practicing jobs that they admire, therefore some of the students chose to have time away from school to explore the field they enjoy. Another reason is simply the need to relax and getting away from the stress of studying. For instance, most of students take the chance to travel and learn about other cultures. On the other hand, skipping school for a whole year has some disadvantages. Firstly, some of these students become dropouts due to the fact that they lost interest in college after their break. To state it in a different meaning, some students find jobs and believe that education is not important for a successful career resulting in not returning to college. Secondly, after one year away from studies, some forget most of concepts learned in school. Consequently, they will have to work harder than most colleagues. In conclusion, taking a break before joining college can be advantageous for people who wishes to use the time off to find their passion and engage is life experiences. However, they should be cautious and aware of the extra effort they have to provide.
It is a known fact that these days the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taking a break
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
heading to college is
gradually
getting higher. Having time off from education would
certainly
be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there will
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

One evident benefit for having a gap year is the chance of exploring life and interests.
In other words
, it is advantageous and exciting when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are practicing jobs that they admire,
therefore
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
chose to have time away from school to explore the field they enjoy. Another reason is
simply
the need to relax and getting away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of studying.
For instance
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take the chance to travel and learn about other cultures.

On the other hand
, skipping school for a whole year has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
become dropouts due to the fact that they lost interest in college after their break. To state it in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
meaning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find jobs and believe that education is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a successful career resulting in not returning to college.
Secondly
, after one year away from studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
forget
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the concepts") or simply say "most concepts".
most of concepts
learned in school.
Consequently
, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work harder than most colleagues.

In conclusion
, taking a break
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining college can be advantageous for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "wish"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
wishes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the time off to find their passion and engage is life experiences.
However
, they should be cautious and aware of the extra effort they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay It Is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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