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It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to University. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.18

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to University. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 18
There is an increased practice of staying 12months before enrolling in a tertiary institution. This is advantageous owing to the fact that it allows for the people involved to get more prepared, but there are some drawbacks to be taken into account. There is a number of useful benefits that the one year brings. Firstly, it avails the opportunity for them to learn essential life skills that will be beneficial to them in the near future. This will help them become self reliant while waiting for jobs after their University education. For example, some who acquire fashion designing skills can make some significant income from it both while in school as a part-time and after rounding off. The result of this is that the become more beneficial to themselves and the society at large. In addition, the one year period makes them more mature and prepared them mentally for the challenges that await them at the University environment. On the other hand, despite the merits stated above, some pitfalls exist. During the wait period, their brains may not be very active anymore and ready for studies, consequently leading to poor performance at the early stage of in school. Furthermore, some individuals may get carried away by the funds and excitements realized from working on doing business which can serve as a distraction and sometimes discourage some from attending higher institutions at all result to less enlightened citizens in a Country. Also, some may give in to peer pressure and join bad gangs, thereby causing a havoc to the society. For instance, an idle teenager can start indulging in practices like cigarette smoking within this period as well as getting involved with hard drugs. In conclusion, the gap between secondary schools and University offers some major benefits; However, people should be wary of the disadvantages like corrupt young adults that may be raised within that period.
There is an increased practice of staying 12months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
enrolling in a tertiary institution. This is advantageous owing to the fact that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
involved to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more prepared,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to
be taken
into account.

There is a number of useful benefits that the one year brings.
Firstly
, it avails the opportunity for them to learn essential life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that will be beneficial to them in the near future. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self reliant
while waiting for jobs after their University education.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who acquire fashion designing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant income from it both while in school as a part-time and after rounding off. The result of this is that the become more beneficial to themselves and the society at large.
In addition
, the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "one-year"
one year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more mature and prepared them mentally for the challenges that await them at the University environment.

On the other hand
, despite the merits stated above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls exist. During the wait
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, their brains may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active anymore and ready for studies,
consequently
leading to poor performance at the early stage of in school.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
carried away by the funds and excitements realized from working on doing business which can serve as a distraction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
discourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
from attending higher institutions at all result to less enlightened citizens in a Country.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may give in to peer pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
gangs, thereby causing a havoc to the society.
For instance
, an idle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
indulging in practices like cigarette smoking within this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
as well
as getting involved with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
drugs.

In conclusion
, the gap between secondary schools and University offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major benefits;
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be wary of the disadvantages like corrupt young adults that may
be raised
within that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to University. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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