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It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.11

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 11
Many students are often seen following the trend of having a gap year between secondary and tertiary education. Students get a chance to experience the real world during that time period, but there are also some drawbacks to be taken into account. Firstly, one benefit of children having a year off before going to university is that they get an opportunity of experiencing the real world. For instance, children can work during their gap year and gain some essential skills of life, such as managing finances and dealing with people. Secondly, students get time to figure out and decide what they are really interested to learn, and this makes it easy for them to choose subjects for university education. Thirdly, a year off studies aid students to relax their mind and get ready to learn new academic concepts. On the other hand, one problem of having a year off results in the loss of their learning skills. Many students lose their ability of gaining knowledge, which they have acquired through the school years. Hence, they perform worse when they go to universities. Moreover, some students get distracted from the plan of going to university and study further because they it is a better idea to make money and live independently, instead of going for higher education. Students fail to realize the importance of university education as well as its benefits over the long run. In conclusion, while having a year off after school has some benefits, it can also lead to loss of learning skills for many, and could also divert many from the idea of studying after school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
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seen
following the trend of
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having
a gap
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year
between secondary and tertiary
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education
.
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Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to experience the real world during that time period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
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some
drawbacks to
be taken
into account.

Firstly
, one benefit of children
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having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
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off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to
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university
is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity of experiencing the real world.
For instance
, children can work during their gap
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year
and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of life, such as managing finances and dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Secondly
,
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to figure out and decide what they are
really
interested to learn, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy for them to choose subjects for
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university
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education
.
Thirdly
, a
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year
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off
studies aid
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students
to relax their mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready to learn new academic concepts.

On the other hand
, one problem of
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having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
results in the loss of their learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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students
lose their ability of gaining knowledge, which they have acquired through the school years.
Hence
, they perform worse when they go to
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universities
.
Moreover
,
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some
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from the plan of going to
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university
and study
further
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because
they it is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
,
instead
of going for higher
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education
.
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Students
fail to realize the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as well
as its benefits over the long run.

In conclusion
, while
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having
a
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year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
after school has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, it can
also
lead to loss of learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
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many
, and could
also
divert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of studying after school.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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