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Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the development. v.1

Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the development. v. 1
It is an undeniable fact that technology plays an indispensable role in today’s world. Some people believe that the development of technology creates many problems for us. Personally, I absolutely agree with this idea, besides some advantages that technology contributed it still has negative impacts on people and there are two reasons why I hold this view. One reason is that some people become addicted to technological equipment and spend most of their time surfing the Internet, watching TV series or playing video games. Therefore, they will work stagnating, behind schedule and their work will be going down. When someone addicted to technology, they can become a taciturn person and making them less interactive with others. In my opinion, this is not good for their social life as they become less close relationship with members of their family or with their friends. For example, if you always use technology equipment like a smartphone, you will lose a lot of relationships, from there they will lose a lot of chances to develop and support from everyone. Another reason is that the development of technology will lead to some diseases for people to use it. First of all, if you spend a lot of time to use technological equipment, your eyes inevitably suffer from the negative impacts like eye pain, eye strain, even impaired vision. Besides, it is the cause of cancer, there is has research claims that technological equipment emit high-frequency waves and it can easily cause brain tumours. This is really a serious problem and we should use technological equipment, to some extent. In conclusion, in my view, technology is a tool really wonderful and helpful for us. However, it still has many problems so we should thoroughly consider this development of technology. Personally, I think if you use technological equipment suitable, these problems completely can avoid.
It is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays an indispensable role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for us.
Personally
, I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
besides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
contributed it
still
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and there are two reasons why I hold this view.

One reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
and spend most of their time surfing the Internet, watching TV series or playing video games.
Therefore
, they will work stagnating, behind schedule and their work will be going down. When someone addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, they can become a taciturn person and making them less interactive with others. In my opinion, this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their social life as they become less close relationship with members of their family or with their friends.
For example
, if you always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
like a smartphone, you will lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
relationships, from there they will lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chances to develop and support from everyone.

Another reason is that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if you spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
, your eyes
inevitably
suffer from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts like eye pain, eye strain, even impaired vision.
Besides
, it is the cause of cancer, there is has research claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
emit high-frequency waves and it can
easily
cause brain
Possible spelling mistake. 'tumours' is British English.
tumours
. This is
really
a serious
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problem and
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

In conclusion
, in my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a tool
really
wonderful and helpful for us.
However
, it
still
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should
thoroughly
consider this development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
suitable, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
completely can avoid.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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