Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with thrir family. Others believe that thid is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with thrir family. Others believe that thid is unnecessary or even negative. v. 1
While it is true that, for children, accompanying with family is a positive idea, but it is difficult to determine whether it is better to spend full-time with family or spare some time with other ambience. Many people believe that children would be better if they spare their entire time in family while others, however, say that it is a negative side for children. The essay will discuss both views and put forward some evidences as to why sparing full time with family is deleterious for children. On the one hand, to keep in touch with family is an amazing and creative step for children. Because, firstly, they will be able to obtain a fundamental education from family which is the primary demand for any infants. Secondly, they can be well-mannered, meek, flexible as well as generous. For instance, if a child is always observed by his family members, there is a little possibility to do harmful work, to be deviant and to accompany with licentious boys. Furthermore, under the strict vigilance of parents, offsprings will be educative. On the other hand, sparing full-time with families, infants will deprive of making friends, acquainting with society. The principal reason is that if children will spend their entire time with family, they will have little playfellow which will not be a positive reaction from them. Secondly, they will hardly be able to acquaint with his society compared with that children who spare considerable time for outdoor activities. As society, peer groups, media are pivotal medium to be social, offsprings will have deficient that sort of experiences. To illustrate, in India, those children are indoors, they have rarely opportunity for expanding their horizon. In contrast to, social infants have a great deal of potentialities to be effectual in their career. To conclude, the essay discussed both views and reached a conclusion that spending full time is a negative issue for growing children.
While it is true that, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanying by".
accompanying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is difficult to determine whether it is better to spend full-time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with other ambience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be better if they spare their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
while others,
however
, say that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The essay will discuss both views and put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidences as to why sparing full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is deleterious for children.

On the one hand, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is an amazing and creative step for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
firstly
, they will be able to obtain a fundamental education from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
which is the primary demand for any infants.
Secondly
, they can be well-mannered, meek, flexible
as well
as generous.
For instance
, if a child is always observed by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
possibility to do harmful work, to be deviant and to
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
licentious boys.
Furthermore
, under the strict vigilance of parents,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
will be educative.

On the other hand
, sparing full-time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, infants will deprive of making friends, acquainting with society. The principal reason is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will spend their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
playfellow which will not be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
reaction from them.
Secondly
, they will hardly be able to acquaint with his society compared with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spare considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for outdoor activities. As society, peer groups, media are pivotal medium to be social,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
will have deficient that sort of experiences. To illustrate, in India, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are indoors, they have rarely opportunity for expanding their horizon.
In contrast
to, social infants have a great deal of potentialities to be effectual in their career.

To conclude
, the essay discussed both views and reached a conclusion that spending full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
issue for growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with thrir family. Others believe that thid is unnecessary or even negative. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts