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It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.2

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2
Nowadays, many of the students often take a gap year after their schooling. Despite of the benefit to get some practical experience prior to the start of the college, such time period harms the life of a pupil by delaying a precious year of the academic studies. This essay will discuss the benefits as well as the drawbacks of taking a break before initiating the professional studies. First of all, when the students take some time off before they actually start their professional college education, they plan to either travel or to work. In both of the cases, they get to learn numerous things that are very crucial in their following professional studies. For instance, the travelling teaches interaction with new people which later on proves helpful in the professional life. Also, the travel or work makes a person feel independent that no money can buy. On the other hand, along with the positive effects, such a decison has several bad effects. While some of the students waste their year off in stupid things or doing nothing useful at all, such actions creates a delay in their professional studies and during all this time they actually loose the momentum, which can create severe problems in their college education. For example, according to a report issued by The International Education Organization of India, out of the 2 million students in India, who missed a year before their college studies, only 50000 students were able to complete their university education due to lack of concentration. Such a measure can be disasterous in these cases. To conclude, while the trend of taking some time off before the start of higher college trainings is growing significantly, it involves various merits as well as demerits that we have discussed in this essay.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after their schooling.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the benefit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical experience prior to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the college, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period harms the life of a pupil by delaying a precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This essay will discuss the benefits
as well
as the drawbacks of taking a break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
initiating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
studies.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
they actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, they plan to either travel or to work. In both of the cases, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn numerous things that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial in their following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
For instance
, the travelling teaches interaction with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which later on proves helpful in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
life.
Also
, the travel or work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person feel independent that no money can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.

On the other hand
, along with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, such a
Possible spelling mistake found.
decison
has several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects. While
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off in stupid things or doing nothing useful at all, such actions creates a delay in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and during all this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they actually loose the momentum, which can create severe problems in their college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, according to a report issued by The International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
Organization of India, out of the 2 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in India, who missed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
their college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were able to complete their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
due to lack of concentration. Such a measure can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
disasterous
in these cases.

To conclude
, while the trend of taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of higher college trainings is growing
significantly
, it involves various merits
as well
as demerits that we have discussed in this essay.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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