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It is a fact that people nowadays are under a lot of pressure and their lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What could be the possible reasons for this? What are some solutions to address this issue? v.1

It is a fact that people nowadays are under a lot of pressure and their lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What could be the possible reasons for this? What are some solutions to address this issue? v. 1
Stress has become part and parcel of our lives. Even young children lead stressful lives these days. Increasing competition is the number one cause of stress. Everybody wants to achieve more and more. They want to do better than their peers. People are never happy with what they have. This perpetual struggle to do better than one’s peers leads to stress and causes many health problems. The modern society glorifies workaholism. Employees are forced to burn the midnight oil to meet crazy deadlines. Cut throat competition exists in the job market and if one isn’t willing to stretch oneself thin, one can get laid off. Most people have several financial liabilities. Getting laid off is the last thing they want to happen to them. So, they work harder and harder. They don’t find time for their family or themselves. Social media also plays a role in causing stress. People post exotic images of their holidays and rant about their expensive acquisitions on social media. They have just one mission – they want to show that their lives are actually better than the lives of others. This makes their friends feel inadequate. Perhaps the biggest problem that plagues our world is the pursuit of material gains. We equate happiness with cars, villas and foreign vacations. In my opinion, the only way to beat stress is to look for meaning in life. Instead of rushing after material gains, we should look inward and connect with our true nature. Setting priorities is equally important. We should ask ourselves what we want to achieve in our lives. Once we have a clear idea of our goals, we can toil towards them at our own pace. This approach actually makes our lives a lot less stressful.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Stress
has become part and parcel of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Even young children lead stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
these days. Increasing competition is the number one cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. Everybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to achieve more and more. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do better than their peers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are never happy with what they have. This perpetual struggle to do better than one’s peers leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems.

The modern society glorifies
Possible spelling mistake found.
workaholism
. Employees
are forced
to burn the midnight oil to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
crazy deadlines.
'Cut throat' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "Cut-throat".
Cut throat
competition exists in the job market and if one isn’t willing to stretch oneself thin, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
laid off. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have several financial liabilities. Getting laid off is the last thing they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to happen to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they work harder and harder. They don’t find time for their family or themselves.

Social media
also
plays a role in causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
post exotic images of their holidays and rant about their expensive acquisitions on social media. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one mission
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are actually better than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of others. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their friends feel inadequate.

Perhaps the biggest problem that plagues our world is the pursuit of material gains. We equate happiness with cars, villas and foreign vacations.

In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to beat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is to look for meaning in life.
Instead
of rushing after material gains, we should look inward and connect with our true nature. Setting priorities is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. We should ask ourselves what we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to achieve in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Once we have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of our goals, we can toil towards them at our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace. This approach actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
a lot less stressful.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is a fact that people nowadays are under a lot of pressure and their lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What could be the possible reasons for this? What are some solutions to address this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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