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It has been said that reading for pleasure is better in developing imagination and language skills than watching TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

It has been said that reading for pleasure is better in developing imagination and language skills than watching TV. v. 3
Nowadays, with the substantial development of technology, people tend to find another way to broaden their horizon rather than originally read books, they prefer to watch television instead because it is more convenient and approachable. However, I still stand the view that reading can help people become more imaginative and enrich their language skills for many reasons. First of all, reading is beneficial not just in terms of developing our imagination, but also let our creativity bloom. While reading, people are allowed to go with the flow of the story, put themselves in the character’s shoes and they have a picture in their heads of what is going to happen next. Trying to visualize how the character looks is also a way to stimulate their imagination, as a fact that each person has their own expectation, their character is also different. For example, when people have to think about a charming prince, a part believes that he wears a royal costume, and sits on his gold throne, the other thinks of a men with blonde hair and blue eyes is riding his white horse. It depends on their culture or basically, the fairy tales that they often hear about. Reading gives them an opportunity to imagine bases on the script, while watching creates a specific appearance and they have to accept it without thinking more. Another reason is reading help sharpen the language skills. People can enrich their vocabulary and learn a new sentence structure effortlessly. Furthermore, it helps them to remember longer because while reading, people take time to pore over what they do not understand. While I agree that watching TV can also help you with communication, but reading still give more rewards in the long run. In conclusion, I believe that reading is way more efficient to increase your creativity as well as improve your language skills.
Nowadays, with the substantial development of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to find another way to broaden their horizon
rather
than
originally
read books, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television
instead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more convenient and approachable.
However
, I
still
stand the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more imaginative and enrich their language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is beneficial not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in terms of developing our imagination,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our creativity bloom. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the flow of the story, put themselves in the character’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shoes and
they have a picture in their heads of what is going to happen
next
. Trying to visualize how the character looks is
also
a way to stimulate their imagination, as a fact that each person has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expectation, their character is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about a charming prince, a part believes that he wears a royal costume, and sits on his gold throne, the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with blonde hair and blue eyes is riding his white horse. It depends on their culture or
basically
, the fairy tales that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hear about.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
gives them an opportunity to imagine bases on the script, while watching creates a specific
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
appearance and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accept it without thinking more.

Another reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
sharpen the language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can enrich their vocabulary and learn a new sentence structure
effortlessly
.
Furthermore
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to remember longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take time to pore over what they do not understand. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that watching TV can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you with communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
still
give more rewards in the long run.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is way more efficient to increase your creativity
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been said that reading for pleasure is better in developing imagination and language skills than watching TV. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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