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Some people think that school reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think that school reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 2
Results at school are known as the main factor reflecting how student' s studying during school year. While pupils are thought to be deserved a reward for most excellent performance, others oppose that no matter how their achievements are, students' efforts should be appreciated by presenting them with an award. Two both sides will be discussed in this essay. On the one hand, the award should be given to the scholars ranking first in respect to studying. First and foremost, this holds a competition among students to select the winner for championship, which encourages them to make an attempt to achieve magnificent results. Next, most brilliant pupils are nominated for an award, which deserves what they make efforts to get. In other words, the scholarship is awarded the only one who shows the best academic results during all studying process. On the other hand, progress in studying is advised to be given a great compliment. To begin with, it is no doubt that this is a significant opportunity to all students. There is an irrefutable fact that some are not as intelligent as others, so not only does reward stimulate the spirit of learning among students, but it is also a chance of showing what they make efforts. In addition, it becomes their motivation of studying. Although they can' t rank first, they can take pride in themselves for progress. In conclusion, given the fact that it is said that improvement is much more essential than first rank, personally, students advance their levels to achieve as much brilliant results as possible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Results
at school
are known
as the main factor reflecting how
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
during school year. While pupils are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
be deserved
a reward for most excellent performance, others oppose that no matter how their achievements are,
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; efforts should
be appreciated
by presenting them with an award. Two both sides will
be discussed
in this essay.

On the one hand, the award should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the scholars ranking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
in respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
First
and foremost, this holds a competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to select the winner for championship, which encourages them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an attempt to achieve magnificent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
.
Next
, most brilliant pupils
are nominated
for an award, which deserves what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the scholarship
is awarded
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the best academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
during all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
process.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
is advised
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a great compliment. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is no doubt that this is a significant opportunity to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. There is an irrefutable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are not as intelligent as others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does reward stimulate the spirit of learning among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
a chance of showing what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts.
In addition
, it becomes their motivation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
. Although they
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t rank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
, they can take pride in themselves for progress.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the fact that it
is said
that improvement is much more essential than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
rank,
personally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
advance their levels to achieve as much brilliant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
as possible.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people think that school reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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