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It has been said that reading for pleasure is better in developing imagination and language skills than watching TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

It has been said that reading for pleasure is better in developing imagination and language skills than watching TV. v. 2
In the modern world, many people are concerned about the sports, as this sphere is becoming popular among the youngsters as well as among the elderly people. In this regard, some individuals are keen to think that many well-known people are utilizing the sports for their own purposes such as advertising their products and promotion. Accordingly, some people believe that this tendency is positive, while others feel that this trend is negative, as the real competition between the sportsmen can be disappeared. On the one hand, it is true that nowadays, sports can bring a lot of investments and money. In this reason, many Businessmen are willing to use the popularity and fame of the athletes for developing their companies and organizations. Furthermore, some types of martial arts such as boxing and MMA can bring a lot of currency for the Businessmen as well as for the athletes. For example, many well-known boxers and fighters are getting paid millions of dollars for their performances, and that is the main reason why some citizens believe that this is a positive trend. In addition, the advertisement is essential for the sportsmen, as the part of currency, which is earned from the commercial breaks, will be given to the athletes. On the other hand, it is clear that such kinds of ways of making money can be fatal for the competition between the counterparts. The reasons are bribery and lack of motivation. To illustrate, if the judges do not evaluate the performances of players independently, the athletes can be disappointed. Moreover, advertising can lead to the loss of concentration. For example, focusing on the promotion of the products and earning money will bother the players from the training. In conclusion, although some individuals reckon to think that there are many disadvantages of using the sports for the promotion of goods, others feel that this tendency can be useful for citizens, as they can run their livelihood through the commercial breaks. In addition, it is very convenient for the fans too.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, as this sphere is becoming popular among the youngsters
as well
as among the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are utilizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
purposes such as advertising their products and promotion.
Accordingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this tendency is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, while others feel that this trend is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
, as the real competition between the sportsmen can
be disappeared
.

On the one hand, it is true that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
investments and money. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Businessmen are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the popularity and fame of the athletes for developing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and organizations.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of martial arts such as boxing and MMA can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
currency for the Businessmen
as well
as for the athletes.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-known boxers and fighters are getting paid millions of dollars for their performances, and
that is
the main reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
In addition
, the advertisement is essential for the sportsmen, as the part of currency, which
is earned
from the commercial breaks, will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the athletes.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that such kinds of ways of making money can be fatal for the competition between the counterparts. The reasons are bribery and lack of motivation. To illustrate, if the judges do not evaluate the performances of players
independently
, the athletes can
be disappointed
.
Moreover
, advertising can lead to the loss of concentration.
For example
, focusing on the promotion of the products and earning money will bother the players from the training.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals reckon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for the promotion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, others feel that this tendency can be useful for citizens, as they can run their livelihood through the commercial breaks.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient for the fans too.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay It has been said that reading for pleasure is better in developing imagination and language skills than watching TV. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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