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It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. v. 1
Children are the future of the nation and how they should be raised, is a debatable issue. Some people believe that they should be exposed to the physical punishment while others say constant appreciation is required for them. According to me, these arguments need proper audit before forming an opinion. To begin with, there are many advantages of conferring rewards for children first of all, appreciation and verbal praise can have a magical impact on the behaviour of the children because when they are appreciated for good conduct they come to know about the value of good conduct and try to keep continuing with that. The more they brim with positive comments, the more they are confident. On the other hand, children who are subjected to artificial physical punishment are seen with lack of self-confidence. A survey conducted on the performance of children revealed that a child exposed to punitive actions my parents are more aggressive and furious than others of his age. Hence beatings to a child can never be fruitful. On the contrary, there is no denying the fact that training to the notorious and ferocious mind is a hard nut to crack because it is true that rod the only logic for the fools. Moreover, some children repeat mistakes even after being warned and punished, this type of stubbornness force parents and guardians to give them beatings. Needless to say, over-pampering may have an adverse effect on children. In this present scenario, parents have one or two children and this pampering distract them away from their path. To conclude, children are the tender buds and nurturing them is really a major responsibility. Therefore, a fair judgment on control is required for good upbringing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of the nation and how they should
be raised
, is a debatable issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they should
be exposed
to the physical punishment while others say constant appreciation
is required
for them.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, these arguments need proper audit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
forming an opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of conferring rewards for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, appreciation and verbal praise can have a magical impact on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they
are appreciated
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conduct they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about the value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conduct and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
continuing with that. The more they brim with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
comments, the more they are confident.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are subjected
to artificial physical punishment are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with lack of self-confidence. A survey conducted on the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
revealed that a child exposed to punitive actions my parents are more aggressive and furious than others of his age.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
beatings to a child can never be fruitful.

On the contrary
, there is no denying the fact that training to the notorious and ferocious mind is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
nut to crack
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is true that rod the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
logic for the fools.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
repeat mistakes even after
being warned
and punished, this type of stubbornness force parents and guardians to give them beatings. Needless to say, over-pampering may have an adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In this present scenario, parents have one or two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and this pampering distract them away from their path.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the tender buds and nurturing them is
really
a major responsibility.
Therefore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
judgment on control
is required
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
upbringing.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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