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The cheap airlines are enabling an increasing number of people to travel to foreign countries. What advantages might there be to society in general? v.1

The cheap airlines are enabling an increasing number of people to travel to foreign countries. What advantages might there be to society in general? v. 1
In recent times, job sectors have become highly competitive. Although some people think that having a graduate degree is essential to secure a highly reputed employment, others consider a wide range of experience and mastering in soft skills would be sufficient to achieve the same. In my opinion, I support the former’s viewpoint as their education show that they are capable of holding higher positions in their job places. On the one side, those who believe work experience and having knowledge in soft skills would make a person to become a successful employee. They argue that these assist them to troubleshoot any crucial scenario with their understanding, which they have learnt through their experiences. Additionally, they incorporate their soft skills to tackle the issues carefully. Take any mechanical engineering field, where experienced employee resolves most of the problems more efficiently than others. However, despite the above consideration, opponents advocate that only with higher academic qualifications, one who reaches the top position in their career. Having graduated, itself showed that they are capable of taking responsibilities. By contrast, if any one has only skills, rather than their educational background, that person cannot be awarded with appropriate positions. Even though others can join any works, promotion is granted for those who have degree certificates. They easily learn new concepts and ideas than other groups. Traditional health practitioners, for instance, were recognised in olden days, but they have been regarded as outdated practitioners. In conclusion, people have differed regarding whether experience or education is important when it regards occupation; however, I again reaffirm that educated staff are well- accepted than other categories.
In recent times, job sectors have become
highly
competitive. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having a graduate degree is essential to secure a
highly
reputed employment, others consider a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and mastering in soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
would be sufficient to achieve the same. In my opinion, I support the former’s viewpoint as their education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that they are capable of holding higher positions in their job places.

On the one side, those who believe work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and having knowledge in soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person to become a successful employee. They argue that these assist them to troubleshoot any crucial scenario with their understanding, which they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
Additionally
, they incorporate their soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to tackle the issues
carefully
. Take any mechanical engineering field, where experienced employee resolves most of the problems more
efficiently
than others.

However
, despite the above consideration, opponents advocate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with higher academic qualifications, one who reaches the top position in their career. Having graduated, itself
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that they are capable of taking responsibilities. By contrast, if
Did you mean "anyone"?
any one
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
rather
than their educational background, that person cannot
be awarded
with appropriate positions.
Even though
others can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
any works, promotion
is granted
for those who have degree certificates. They
easily
learn new concepts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
groups. Traditional health practitioners,
for instance
, were
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
in olden days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have
been regarded
as outdated practitioners.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have differed regarding whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
or education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when it regards occupation;
however
, I again reaffirm that educated staff are well-
Use "(accepted)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
accepted
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
categories.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The cheap airlines are enabling an increasing number of people to travel to foreign countries. What advantages might there be to society in general? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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