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It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. v. 2
There is no doubt that smoking has detrimental effects has been proved by science experiments so the majority of country pass the law that smoking should be used certain place in terms of health issues and comfort of non-smoking persons. This essay agrees that all governments should make rules regarding territories of smoking for their citizens. This essay will state that why need a places for smoking and then explain other reasons from perspective of non-smoking individuals. On the one hand, you imagine that how would you feel waiting with smoking people at a hospital in which is full of smoke. That is feeling of non smoking person. Many of smokers believe that they have a right to smoke where they will but there is really a point that smoke is not a perfume and its smell get into your hair, clothes and of course smoking has harmful effects on your lungs which make you feel bad the next day and can cause some serious illnesses such as cancer, brain damage and asthma. In the middle of 2000’s years Ireland, for example had been first country where passed a law about smoking has to be used in certain places all over the world. On the other hand, passive smokers could be important issue that has to be taken consideration. If you consider yourself as a non-smoker and standing next to someone who is smoking, this will affect directly you by way of nose and breath. For instance, according to Doctor Sam Rooney, working in Bristol Research company, 2. 1% percent of the UK population is threaten by smoking people throughout the country and this rate has been increasing dramatically day by day. In conclusion, all governments should focus on requests of both sides and take some measures to solve this vital problem. By doing this, we can create a health and perfect place to live.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has detrimental effects has
been proved
by science experiments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the majority of country pass the law that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in terms of health issues and comfort of non-smoking persons. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
regarding territories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
for their citizens. This essay will state that why need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
other reasons from perspective of non-smoking individuals.

On the one hand, you imagine that how would you feel waiting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at a hospital in which is full of smoke.
That is
feeling of non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of smokers believe that they have a right to smoke where they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is
really
a point that smoke is not a perfume and its smell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into your hair, clothes and
of course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has harmful effects on your lungs which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
the
next
day and can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious illnesses such as cancer, brain damage and asthma. In the middle of
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "2000s".
2000’s
years Ireland,
for example
had been
first
country where passed a law about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
all over the world.

On the other hand
, passive smokers could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
consideration. If you consider yourself as a non-smoker and standing
next
to someone who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, this will affect
directly
you
Did you maybe mean "buy"?
by
way of nose and breath.
For instance
, according to Doctor Sam Rooney, working in Bristol Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, 2. 1% percent of the UK population is
Consider using a past participle here: "threatened".
threaten
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
throughout the country and this rate has been increasing
dramatically
day by day.

In conclusion
, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should focus on requests of both sides and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to solve this vital problem. By doing this, we can create a health and perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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