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It has been proven that smoking kills. In some countries, it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. v.2

It has been proven that smoking kills. In some countries, it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. v. 2
Smoking is considered to be one of the major causes of deaths and untreatable diseases such as cancer, around the world. Many countries have imposed stricter laws in order to restrain its usage. Such an action is the prohibition of smoking in public places. According to some, this ban can help us to lessen the usage of cigarettes to a considerable degree and therefore is advocated to be implemented everywhere in the world. While others believe it to be a restriction imposed on one's rights. Therefore, let us analyse the task at hand more deeply. It is irrefutable to say that smoking is injurious to health and need to be contained up to a certain limit. Many adverse effects are attached along with its usage in public places. First of all, it will set a bad example for the adolescents. Promoting the smoking in common places can lead the younger generations to follow the same path. And there is no doubt in that the future of the country lies in the hands of coming generations. Therefore, it would be unwise to compromise it. Secondly, the amount of litter created by this practice can lead to an incline in the garbage, which further increases the burden of government. As they have to spend more money on the cleanliness of cities. Finally, it can cause conflicts among people who are not ready to compromise their own health by inhaling the second-hand smoke. This is indeed justified as the recent studies have shown that passive smoking is as bad as normal smoking, if not worse. On the other hand, those who do not support this idea have their own reasons. The first and foremost is that those people believe that this rule will cause the demise of many businesses. They think that if it is not allowed to smoke cigarettes in public places such as bars and restaurants, then people will stop coming to such places and those businesses will have to entail losses. What is more, according to them, it will also result in unemployment. As decreased usage of cigarettes means lesser sales which in result can render many workers out of jobs. Finally, it is also seen as a valuable source of generating revenues for the government and if this rule is to be put into action, then a big portion of that income will be taken away from the government, which it levies in the form of taxes. To conclude, it can be said that allowing doing such a practice in places with people is not advisable. Therefore, a complete ban should be put into exercise for making the experience of visiting such places pleasant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
is considered
to be one of the major causes of deaths and untreatable diseases such as cancer, around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries have imposed stricter laws in order to restrain its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
. Such an action is the prohibition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, this ban can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to lessen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of cigarettes to a considerable degree and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
is advocated
to
be implemented
everywhere in the world.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others believe it to be a restriction imposed on one's rights.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the task at hand more
deeply
.

It is irrefutable to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is injurious to health and need to
be contained
up to a certain limit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adverse effects
are attached
along with its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it will set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example for the adolescents. Promoting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can lead the younger generations to follow the same path. And there is no doubt in that the future of the country lies in the hands of coming generations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it would be unwise to compromise it.
Secondly
, the amount of litter created by this practice can lead to an incline in the garbage, which
further
increases the burden of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more money on the cleanliness of cities.
Finally
, it can cause conflicts among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not ready to compromise their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health by inhaling the second-hand smoke. This is
indeed
justified as the recent studies have shown that passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, if not worse.

On the other hand
, those who do not support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons. The
first
and foremost is that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
will cause the demise of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
businesses. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to smoke cigarettes in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as bars and restaurants, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
coming to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and those businesses will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
entail losses.
What is more
, according to them, it will
also
result in unemployment.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of cigarettes means lesser sales which in result can render
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers out of jobs.
Finally
, it is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a valuable source of generating revenues for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and if this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
is to
be put
into action, then a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
portion of that income will
be taken
away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which it levies in the form of taxes.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that allowing doing such a practice in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
not advisable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, a complete ban should
be put
into exercise for making the experience of visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
pleasant.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been proven that smoking kills. In some countries, it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
445 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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