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It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not resposilbe to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason ounger workers are to be preferred. To what extend to you agree or disagree? v.1

It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not resposilbe to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason ounger workers are to be preferred. v. 1
Nowadays, employers prefer to employ younger staff rather than people of age, especially over 50, because of the fact that they are not used to the developing worldworld. Personally, I strongly agree with the statement that young generation is much more workable than the old one, because their physical ad mental motion is much lower. There are several reasons why older people today are becoming ineffective. Firstly, the older generation are not full with modern and creative ideas due to the fact that they have different thinking, views on life and their capabilities of creating innovative inventions are mostly over. That is why bosses have always preferred to have young people with a wide range of new ideas and innovations. For instance, in our world everywhere in restaurants or in some companies all the staff consists of young and pretty people who work almost every day. Leading from this we can understand clearly why in the entire world there is a problem of huge number of unemployed and homeless elder citizens. Secondly, elder people are less energetic than juveniles. As far as I am concerned, everywhere in the world managers force their employers to work hard, fast and productive, because time is money. As a result, people over 50 ears are supposed to work somewhere for extremely low salary or eve to borrow from their relatives to survive somehow. In conclusion, it is not fair to fire older people from work, but the life is hard and companies search for fresh-minded employees, which can generate a huge amount of money to the particular organization. I completely understand those people and realize that sooner or later our young generation will retreat the workplaces to their kids.
Nowadays, employers prefer to employ younger staff
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of age,
especially
over 50,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the developing
Possible spelling mistake found.
worldworld
.
Personally
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is much more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their physical ad mental motion is much lower.

There are several reasons why older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are becoming ineffective.
Firstly
, the older generation are not
The usual collocation for "full" is "of" not "with". Did you mean "full of"?
full with
modern and creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
due to the fact that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
thinking, views on life and their capabilities of creating innovative inventions are
mostly
over.
That is
why bosses have always preferred to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a wide range of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and innovations.
For instance
, in our world everywhere in restaurants or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
all the staff consists of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and pretty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
almost every day. Leading from this we can understand
clearly
why in the entire world there is a problem of huge number of unemployed and homeless elder citizens.

Secondly
, elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less energetic than juveniles. As far as I
am concerned
, everywhere in the world managers force their employers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and productive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
time is money.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over 50 ears
are supposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
somewhere for
extremely
low salary or eve to borrow from their relatives to survive somehow.

In conclusion
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to fire older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the life is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
search for fresh-minded employees, which can generate a huge amount of money to the particular organization. I completely understand those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and realize that sooner or later our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation will retreat the workplaces to their kids.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not resposilbe to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason ounger workers are to be preferred. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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