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It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason younger workers are to be preferred. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.3

It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason younger workers are to be preferred. v. 3
One of the biggest problem that the world is facing today is global warming. There are numerous reasons causing the issue which including deforestation, greenhouse gas emissions and the way people live these days, and there are ways that the authorities and people could take to mitigate the problem. Some of the causes that bring up such a big problem are deforestation, greenhouse gas emissions and people’s lifestyles. Firstly, deforestation happens because of many reasons, such as urbanization, bushfires which lessen the trees on our Earth. It is one of the problems because the less trees the forest has, the less oxygen in the air and because the tree would be insufficient to absorb the carbon dioxide. The other issue is that the greenhouse gas emissions that give more heat to the surface of the Earth and make the glaciers melt down quickly. Lastly, we are living in a fast-paced lifestyle and a throw-away society. That means we distribute more trash to the environment and pollute the atmosphere around our ground. To tackle these issues the governments should enact laws and cooperate with organizations from all over the world to create a huge impact on people’s awareness. Which means the more we connect to tackle a problem, the better the resolution is. And laws will make people strictly follow, like stopping people drink alcohol after midnight. Besides, an individual could also do a lot to make an impact on others, for instance: clean the surrounding wherever we go and leave, throw rubbish in a right place, and plant more trees to create a greener environment. To sum up, there are several causes that cause climate change that the world is tackling these days, and there are also ways that an individual and a government could do to solve the problem. It is not an easy task and it takes immense time and effort to resolve this global issue.
One of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that the world is facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is global warming. There are numerous reasons causing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
which including deforestation, greenhouse gas emissions and the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
these days, and there are ways that the authorities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could take to mitigate the problem.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
causes that bring up such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
are deforestation, greenhouse gas emissions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyles.
Firstly
, deforestation happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, such as urbanization, bushfires which lessen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
on our Earth. It is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
the forest has, the less oxygen in the air and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tree
would be insufficient to absorb the carbon dioxide. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is that the greenhouse gas emissions that give more heat to the surface of the Earth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the glaciers melt down
quickly
.
Lastly
, we are living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced lifestyle and a throw-away society. That means we distribute more trash to the environment and pollute the atmosphere around our ground.

To tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should enact laws and cooperate with organizations from all over the world to create a huge impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness. Which means the more we connect to tackle a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, the better the resolution is. And laws will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strictly
follow, like stopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
drink alcohol after midnight.
Besides
, an individual could
also
do a lot to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an impact on others,
for instance
: clean the surrounding wherever we go and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, throw rubbish in a right place, and plant more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
to create a greener environment.

To sum up, there are several causes that cause climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that the world is tackling these days, and there are
also
ways that an individual and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could do to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. It is not an easy task and it takes immense time and effort to resolve this global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason younger workers are to be preferred. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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