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The community you live in is planning on setting up new facilities, which of the following do you think would benefit the community most and why? 1. a shopping mall 2. an art center 3. a hotel v.1

The community you live in is planning on setting up new facilities, which of the following do you think would benefit the community most and why? 1. a shopping mall 2. an art center 3. a hotel v. 1
Ownership of cars has raised greatly over the past three decades in many cities in the universe that are now creating a huge traffic jam. Transportation is completely playing a crucial role in this amazing world and every individual is keen about minimizing the amount of time spent during travel. Firstly, I think this is the most important factor that has made everyone own a private vehicle. According to the recent journal published in the daily newspaper, a majority of the people preferred to move to different locations by using their own vehicles in order to save time. Consequently, this led to improvement in the number of cars over the recent years has created a lot of inconvenience to the public especially at the traffic junctions. Moreover, this has also increased pollution, which causes a serious repercussions. For instance, Bangalore secures top spot in terms of high traffic cities in India. From my point of view, cars are surely one among those vehicles that has made congestion even worse. In order to solve this problem, governments can introduce few regulations such as making it compulsory to use public transport for short distances and especially for individuals who advance alone. Furthermore, the state authority can also start awareness campaigns which impart knowledge about the importance of petrol and also make it absolutely necessary to travel by public means of transport. To conclude, first priority must be definitely given to public buses and metro trains for travelling purposes and people must try to reduce the use of cars for daily work.
Ownership of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
has raised
greatly
over the past three decades in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities in the universe that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
creating a huge traffic jam. Transportation is completely playing a crucial role in this amazing world and every individual is keen about minimizing the amount of time spent during travel.
Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor that has made everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a private vehicle.

According to the recent journal published in the daily newspaper, a majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations by using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles in order to save time.
Consequently
, this led to improvement in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
over the recent years has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
inconvenience to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
especially
at the traffic junctions.
Moreover
, this has
also
increased pollution, which causes a serious
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "repercussion"?
repercussions
.
For instance
, Bangalore secures top spot in terms of high traffic cities in India.

From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are
surely
one among those vehicles that has made congestion even worse.

In order to solve this problem,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can introduce few regulations such as making it compulsory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport for short distances and
especially
for individuals who advance alone.
Furthermore
, the state authority can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
awareness campaigns which impart knowledge about the importance of petrol and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
absolutely
necessary to travel by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
means of transport.

To conclude
,
first
priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
buses and metro trains for travelling purposes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for daily work.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The community you live in is planning on setting up new facilities, which of the following do you think would benefit the community most and why? 1. a shopping mall 2. an art center 3. a hotel v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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