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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is just as important for older people to study and learn new things as v.144

It is just as important for older people to study and learn new things as v. 144
In the modern world, everything runs pretty fast whether it's the machines or the schedule of human beings. Nowadays, people are more focused on earning more and more money. The changes in technology help us to survive in this fast paced life. In the past, people used to store water in containers in order to have cold water and now we have refrigerators. Technology makes living easy. People believe that new is always better and they accept this development with full heart. It not only make living easier, but also increase the rate of employment. There are many public/private sectors which are hiring engineers, technicians, to develop these machines. In the past, people have used to wait for hours in order to have a meal. They used to create fire first and then was able to cook food and nowadays, they can have a good meal in minutes by cooking it in microwave ovens, hot plates, etc. For instance, when I was a kid, we used to live in a village and we did not have refrigerators, washing machines at that time. My mother used to wash clothes with her hands and it generally took her 4 hours to wash all of them and then she used to hang them up at the roof. However, in the age of artificial intelligence, we can wash and dry clothes at once in the same machine. It makes washing clothes easy and moreover, it saves lots of time. To sum up, development in the technology brings more advantages than disadvantages. In this fast paced life it is necessary to have this change. It not only make living easier, but also opens the door of employment for unemployed ones.
In the modern world, everything runs pretty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
whether it's the machines or the schedule of human beings. Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more focused on earning more and more money. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to survive in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life. In the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to store water in containers in order to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
water and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we have refrigerators. Technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
living easy.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
believe that new is always
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
better and
they accept this development with full heart. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
living easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase the rate of employment. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public/private sectors which are hiring engineers, technicians, to develop these machines.

In the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wait for hours in order to have a meal. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to create fire
first
and then was able to cook food and nowadays, they can have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
meal in minutes by cooking it in microwave ovens, hot plates, etc.
For instance
, when I was a kid, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
village and
we did not have refrigerators, washing machines at that time. My mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wash clothes with her hands and it
generally
took her 4 hours to wash all of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
then she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to hang them up at the roof.
However
, in the age of artificial intelligence, we can wash and dry clothes at once in the same machine. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
washing clothes easy and
moreover
, it saves lots of time.

To sum up, development in the technology brings more advantages than disadvantages. In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life it is necessary to have this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
living easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
opens the door of employment for unemployed ones.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay It is just as important for older people to study and learn new things as v. 144

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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