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Tell a story about yourself. What animal, plant, or other non human thing would you be? Describe your abilities and traits. You may choose to speak about a person you know well, instead of your self. v.1

Tell a story about yourself. What animal, plant, or other non human thing would you be? Describe your abilities and traits. You may choose to speak about a person you know well, instead of your self. v. 1
As we all know, it is a long journey for an ordinary person to become a scholar and to obtain a high level of mental capacity and intelligence. Some people believe that team work will enhance the process and benefit individual gaining high level of cognitive capacity easily and efficiently. I totally agree with them and the essay will discuss my opinion. To begin with, it is a truth that working together will encourage individual's growth of intelligence and wisdom as long as all members are willing to cooperate and learn together.  There is a Chinese saying, " In a group of people with more than three individuals, there is always a teacher among them. "  Participants will receive feedbacks from the peers during group work. Useful and precise feedbacks will boost receiver's mental capacity and broad their knowledge horizontally. Working in isolation will provide flexible schedule; however, brain storm with peers may contribute input of novel concepts and ideas which will benefit intelligence growth. In addition, group work will provide opportunities for participants to challenge their cognitive capacities. During the team work, participants are required to stay focused and contribute to their task. Therefore, teamwork will improve their brain functioning, such as attention, memory, and information organization. Meanwhile, the latter will enhance participants' ability to focus, learn, and solve problems. Some studies show that working with a bunch of people  will help members to understand topics or tasks more thoroughly and easily,  especially for certain sophistical topics or tasks. In conclusion, group work will contribute to the growth of its members' cognitive skills and intelligence due to peers' brain storm and learning one another. Moreover, team work will assist members to practice their mental abilities more frequently. Therefore, I support that working together or learning together will benefit people and help them become smarter.
As we all know, it is a long journey for an ordinary person to become a scholar and to obtain a high level of mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capacity
and intelligence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will enhance the process and benefit individual gaining high level of cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capacity
easily
and
efficiently
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them and the essay will discuss my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a truth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
together will encourage individual's growth of intelligence and wisdom as long as all members are willing to cooperate and learn together.  There is a Chinese saying,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with more than three individuals, there is always a teacher among them.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Participants will receive feedbacks from the peers during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Useful and precise feedbacks will boost receiver's mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capacity
and broad their knowledge
horizontally
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
in isolation will provide flexible schedule;
however
, brain storm with peers may contribute input of novel concepts and 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
 which will benefit intelligence growth.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will provide opportunities for participants to challenge their cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capacities
. During the team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, participants
are required
 to stay focused and contribute to their task.
Therefore
, teamwork will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their brain functioning, such as attention, memory, and information organization. Meanwhile, the latter will enhance participants' ability to focus, learn, and solve problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with a bunch of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
members to understand topics or tasks more
thoroughly
and
easily
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
especially
for certain sophistical topics or tasks.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
work will contribute to the growth of its members' cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and intelligence due to peers' brain storm and learning one another.
Moreover
, team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will assist members to practice their mental abilities more
frequently
.
Therefore
, I support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
together or learning together will benefit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become smarter.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Tell a story about yourself. What animal, plant, or other non human thing would you be? Describe your abilities and traits. You may choose to speak about a person you know well, instead of your self. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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