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It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? v.2

It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. with this? v. 2
At various events a society has a tradition to give a souvenir; however, occasionally inappropriate because it is useless or people do not need these things. Therefore, the majority of people think necessarily change this tradition and stop to give a gift, while others have the opposite view. Overall, I partly agree with the topic statement because we have different events and circumstances where people can predict things or have inevitable needs to give a souvenir. Firstly, few people can decline the fact that close circle of people alludes to you that they want, so you can buy a present without any doubt. For example, the close friend can demonstrate you some stuff that suits for him; however, he still does not buy it for different reasons. Moreover, people on some part of events inevitably give a present such as women`s day when men present flowers and other gifts. Consequently, things as a souvenir need in some circumstances and events. Although the majority of occasions when people decided to buy something universal and cheaper it creates an awkward situation, thereby this type of present should be discouraged via feedback from who accepted a gift. For instance, in my country, the tradition presents bed linen or pot flowers, nevertheless on the chance of the allergy or uselessness such stuff. Besides, if these things are useless, so after people can have many awkward moments too, because we usually ask about gifts such as “the meaning of receiver”, or “why you are not using the gift? ” thereby it could lead to controversial aftermath. Thus, if people do not have sureness on a present, perhaps better for evading of the embarrassing occasions and give money into a card or envelope, or only congratulate you. To conclude, I cannot wholeheartedly deny a present giving because occasionally you need to do it, as a result, better consider the type of a gift or allude to people with the souvenir that they want.
At various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
a society has a tradition to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a souvenir;
however
,
occasionally
inappropriate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is useless or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
these things.
Therefore
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
necessarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this tradition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
, while others have the opposite view.
Overall
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the topic statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and circumstances where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can predict things or have inevitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a souvenir.

Firstly
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can decline the fact that close circle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
alludes to you that they want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
without any doubt.
For example
, the close friend can demonstrate you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stuff that suits for him;
however
, he
still
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
inevitably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
such as
The character between 'women' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "women’s" (curly apostrophe) or "women's" (straight apostrophe).
women`s
day when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
flowers and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
.
Consequently
, things as a souvenir
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Although the majority of occasions when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something universal and cheaper it creates an awkward situation, thereby this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
should
be discouraged
via feedback from who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
.
For instance
, in my country, the tradition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
bed linen or pot flowers,
nevertheless
on the chance of the allergy or uselessness such stuff.
Besides
, if these things are useless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
awkward moments too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
usually
ask about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
such as “the meaning of receiver”, or “why you are not using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
? ” thereby it could lead to controversial aftermath.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have sureness on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, perhaps better for evading of the embarrassing occasions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
money into a card or envelope, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
congratulate you.

To conclude
, I cannot
wholeheartedly
deny a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
occasionally
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to do it,
as a result
, better consider the
If 'type' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "type of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
type of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
or allude to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the souvenir that they want.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. with this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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