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177- A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either to go on vacation or to buy a carYour friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend’s two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. v.2

177- A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either to go on vacation or to buy a carYour friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend’s two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. v. 2
Money represents the only way people can purchase the necessary things to have a normal live. During the last century, the world has confronted with some major economic crisis, and those who did not have savings went through very difficult times. A friend of mine received an amount of money and he has to decide between going on a holiday or buying a car. I think the latter option is better, due to the fact that a car represents an investment and because it is useful. I will explain my choice in detail, in the following essay. First and foremost, a vehicle equals to an investment on long term. When an individual buys a car, money are not lost because the car can be sold later. While, going to a holiday means spending all the money. Therefore, if unpleasant events take place or if he just needs some extra money, selling the car is a savior option. Otherwise, he should borrow money from a bank which means going in debts for a certain period and paying interest rate. My brother' s experience is a compelling example. My nephew got ill and my brother did not have enough money for his treatment. He went to a bank to see how much money can borrow, but he changed his mind when he realized how big the interest rate was. He had to pay triple the amount he was given. Then he decided to sell the car he bought a car a few years ago, and he used the revenue to treat my nephew. Thus, buying a car is financial advantageous on long term. To continue with, an automobile is very useful because it can be used daily. It can be used for going to work, to trips, for taking the children to school or going out any time an individual wishes without being constrained by the schedule of public transportation means. Moreover, the monthly money spend on gas, adding the comfort and the personal space, are more or less the same with the amount someone spends on common transportation. For instance, when I go to visit my parents I pay around 50 dollars for train, buses and taxi. Not to mention that I have to carry my luggage and that I have to share the space with unknown people. Besides this a lot of time is wasted. A car trip costs me the same, and I do not have to face the other disadvantages. Furthermore, when I come back from my parents, I can take a lot of food supply. So, having a car is very helpful. To summarize, my friend should definitely buy a car instead going on a holiday. This is because a physical good can be valued sometime in the future, in case of shortage of money. A vehicle is also beneficial, because it can be used to day to day activities, saving time and money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
represents the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the necessary things to have a normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. During the last century, the world has confronted with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major economic crisis, and those who did not have savings went through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. A friend of mine received an amount of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
decide between going on a holiday or buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the latter option is better, due to the fact that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
represents an investment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is useful. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my choice in detail, in the following essay.

First
and foremost, a vehicle equals to an investment on long term. When an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are not lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
can
be sold
later.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, going to a holiday means spending all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Therefore
, if unpleasant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
take place or if he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, selling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is a savior option.
Otherwise
, he should borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from a bank which means going in debts for a certain period and paying interest rate. My
Possible spelling mistake found.
brother&
#039; s experience is a compelling example. My nephew
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
ill and my brother did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for his treatment. He went to a bank to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can borrow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his mind when he realized how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
the interest rate was. He had to pay triple the amount he was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. Then he decided to sell the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
a few years ago, and he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the revenue to treat my nephew.
Thus
, buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is financial advantageous on long term.

To continue with, an automobile is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
daily. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for going to work, to trips, for taking the children to school or going out any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
an individual wishes without
being constrained
by the schedule of public transportation means.
Moreover
, the monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spend on gas, adding the comfort and the personal space, are more or less the same with the amount someone spends on common transportation.
For instance
, when I go to visit my parents I pay around 50 dollars for train, buses and taxi. Not to mention that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
carry my luggage and that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
share the space with unknown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Besides
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is wasted
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
trip costs me the same, and I do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face the other disadvantages.
Furthermore
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back from my parents, I can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
food supply.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful.

To summarize
, my friend should definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
instead
going on a holiday. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
can
be valued
sometime in the future, in case of shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. A vehicle is
also
beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "to day".
to day to day
activities, saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay 177- A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either to go on vacation or to buy a carYour friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend’s two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
487 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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