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Is there any value in studying academic subjects that are not useful in terms of generating wealth for the country? v.3

Is there any value in studying academic subjects that are not useful in terms of generating wealth for the country? v. 3
Chemical usage in the production and preservation of food has been a great concern for some individuals. In my opinion, while there are some benefits of this, the drawbacks such as the effect on the health of consumers and the food loosing its nutritional value cannot be ignored. Admittedly, one of the major benefits of food preservation is longer shelf life. Which simply implies that the food is still consumable after six months to a year. In addition, it is also cost effective for the producers of the product as they can estimate their budget for the year. For example, the manufacturers of baked beans, put the expiring date of six months on their products. Nevertheless, one of the major drawbacks of chemical preservation in food is, it is harmful to the health of the consumers. Most of the chemicals used in preserving food for a long while have been noted to be harmful to the health of the consumers. Some of these chemicals have been associated with causing deadly diseases such as liver failure and cancer that has killed a lot of individuals. For instance, a research by Boston university showed that 50% of the food that is consumed in the United States are chemically grown and has resulted in deteriorating health of her citizens. In addition, chemically laden food is observed to have lost its original nutritional value as compared to the freshly grown produce. To conclude, while a longer shelf life of a product is one of the benefits of food preservation, the demerits such as the health of the consumers and the nutritional value of fresh produce cannot be overemphasized.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Chemical
usage in the production and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preservation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has been a great concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals. In my opinion, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of this, the drawbacks such as the effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
loosing its nutritional value cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

Admittedly
, one of the major benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preservation
is longer shelf life. Which
simply
implies that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
still
consumable after six months to a year.
In addition
, it is
also
cost effective for the producers of the product as they can estimate their budget for the year.
For example
, the manufacturers of baked beans, put the expiring date of six months on their products.

Nevertheless
, one of the major drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preservation
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is, it is harmful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for a long while have
been noted
to be harmful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
have
been associated
with causing deadly diseases such as liver failure and cancer that has killed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
individuals.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
by Boston university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 50% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
is consumed
in the United States are
chemically
grown and has resulted in deteriorating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of her citizens.
In addition
,
chemically
laden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is observed
to have lost its original nutritional value as compared to the
freshly
grown produce.

To conclude
, while a longer shelf life of a product is one of the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preservation
, the demerits such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
and the nutritional value of fresh produce cannot
be overemphasized
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Is there any value in studying academic subjects that are not useful in terms of generating wealth for the country? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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