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Is it more important to be able to work alone or with group of people on a team or to work independently! Use reasons and specific example to support your choice v.1

Is it more important to be able to work alone or with group of people on a team or to work independently! Use reasons and specific example to support your choice v. 1
In this present epoch of materialism and competition, life security is first and foremost possession of every person, but nowadays, youngsters are moving towards reckless and quick driving practices because of the impact of some dangerous action movies in their mind, which contributes to the rise in road accidents. I completely agree with the above viewpoint and will discuss the causes and measures of this issue in the following segments. There is a plethora of reasons for rough driving and the predominant is that the youth wants to earn not only money after accepting these kinds of challenges but also they want to shine their fame so to have a different attitude due to the effect of present films on television. Moreover, nowadays teenagers are following the acts of movie stars not only for their fame, but they also think it would give them pleasure and peace of mind. They have a spirit of competition and always like to defeat other drivers on the road, which causes dangerous life-threatening incidents. For instance, youngsters want to become like a movie’s hero without taking care of their life and take the risk of ignoring their parent’s emotions at all. Every cloud has a silver lining. So, there are numerous factors to curb this problem. Primarily, the government should put a heavy penalty on such a reckless driver. Furthermore, before telecasting and producing such kind of movies, this should be censored by the censor board. In addition to it, there should be an organisation of seminars for the awareness of young ones about the safety of their lives. Last but not least, parents also play an indispensable role, so they should monitor the activities of their offspring and provide them with counselling. In the compendium, life can never be returned back if once lost. Therefore, youth should prioritise security during driving practices. So they can enjoy their present and future life with no fear and worry.
In this present epoch of materialism and competition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
security is
first
and foremost possession of every person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays, youngsters are moving towards reckless and quick driving practices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the impact of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in their mind, which contributes to the rise in road accidents. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above viewpoint and will discuss the causes and measures of this issue in the following segments.

There is a plethora of reasons for rough driving and the predominant is that the youth wants to earn not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
money after accepting these kinds of challenges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they want to shine their fame
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attitude due to the effect of present films on television.
Moreover
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are following the acts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
stars not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their fame,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would give them pleasure and peace of mind. They have a spirit of competition and always like to defeat other drivers on the road, which causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
life-threatening incidents.
For instance
, youngsters want to become like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie’s
hero without taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of ignoring their parent’s emotions at all.

Every cloud has a silver lining.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there are numerous factors to curb this problem.
Primarily
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put a heavy penalty on such a reckless driver.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
telecasting and producing such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, this should
be censored
by the censor board.
In addition
to it, there should be an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
of seminars for the awareness of young ones about the safety of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, parents
also
play an indispensable role,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should monitor the activities of their offspring and provide them with counselling.

In the compendium,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can never be
Consider using "returned".
returned back
if once lost.
Therefore
, youth should
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
security during driving practices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can enjoy their present and future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with no fear and worry.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Is it more important to be able to work alone or with group of people on a team or to work independently! Use reasons and specific example to support your choice v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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