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Is it important to be able to work with a group of people on a team or to work independently? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v.1

Is it important to be able to work with a group of people on a team or to work independently? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 1
The debate weather it is a positive or negative development, that additional number of students are choosing to study at a university instead of working. In this essay, I shall examine and outline the drawbacks and benefits of this trend. On the one hand, there are numerous predominant positives of this change. Firstly, as a higher number of the students are getting enrolled in universities, it results in a raise of the figures of the qualified and professional degree holders. Thus, helping the economy of the country. Secondly, often many students who start working at a job after high school, ends up not going to university at all. In addition, a recent study conducted at Stanford University, showed that the students who continue their education without a gap, are 2 fold more likely to succeed in their career. On the other hand, the negative consequences of this movement are undeniable. For example, it may put financial burden on the parents, who are paying for the tuition fee of these students. This is due to the fact that, they are not getting any breaks between the transition from the school to a university. If a student starts earning right after finishing their high school education, they could help their parents in terms of providing the necessary financial support. Moreover, it is beneficial to gain the experience of professional lifestyle at an early age, as it could prove helpful in the future career. In conclusion, this is a topic which raises many questions in contemporary life. From the given arguments and examples, it is clear that both the points of view hold strong supporting reasoning. In the future, we could expect to witness a notable drift in this direction, that could bring both good or bad news for the entire society.
The debate weather it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development, that additional number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are choosing to study at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
instead
of working. In this essay, I shall examine and outline the drawbacks and benefits of this trend.

On the one hand, there are numerous predominant positives of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Firstly
, as a higher number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are getting enrolled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, it results in a raise of the figures of the qualified and professional degree holders.
Thus
, helping the economy of the country.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working at a job after high school, ends up not going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
at all.
In addition
, a recent study conducted at Stanford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who continue their education without a gap, are 2
Possible agreement error. The noun 'fold' seems to be countable, so consider using: "folds".
fold
more likely to succeed in their career.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this movement are undeniable.
For example
, it may put financial burden on the parents, who are paying for the tuition fee of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This is due to the fact that
, they are not getting any breaks between the transition from the school to a university.

If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
earning right after finishing their high school education, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents in terms of providing the necessary financial support.
Moreover
, it is beneficial to gain the experience of professional lifestyle at an early age, as it could prove helpful in the future career.

In conclusion
, this is a topic which raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions in contemporary life. From the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
arguments and examples, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that both the points of view hold strong supporting reasoning.

In the future, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to witness a notable drift in this direction, that could bring both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
news for the entire society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Is it important to be able to work with a group of people on a team or to work independently? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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