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question 2: Some people think that it is more fun to spend time with friends at restaurant or cafes. Others think it is more fun to spend time with friends at home? Which do you think it is better? Explain why? v.1

question 2: Some people think that it is more fun to spend time with friends at restaurant or cafes. Others think it is more fun to spend time with friends at home? Which do you think it is better? Explain why? v. 1
Although paid work is thought by some to be a good experience for children, other people think it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I think that paid work can bring about more problems for children compared to any advantages it might bring. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits of children working for money. Firstly, children can develop an understanding of the value of it. This teaches them that money does not grow on trees and helps them appreciate the hard work needed to earn it. Secondly, they take the first steps in learning how to manage money. Many older children, for instance, have a part time job in order to save for something they would otherwise be unable to afford. Understanding money management, furthermore, is useful when, as adults, they will need to balance their finances. Nevertheless, despite the advantages above, I believe children could face serious drawbacks from paid work. One potentially dangerous problem is that it exposes them to exploitation through slave labour. In some countries that do not enforce children's employment laws, they may end up working under extreme conditions or even in life threatening situations for negligible wages. Starting life in this way makes it almost impossible for them to escape poverty as adults. Another obvious issue is that working may affect a child’s ability to focus on their school work. This is a concern as only with a strong academic performance can a child hope to advance as an adult. In conclusion, being exploited or struggling with academic grades far outweighs any of the minor benefits that could result from children being involved in work experience.
Although paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can bring about more problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compared to any advantages it might bring.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop an understanding of the value of it. This teaches them that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
does not grow on trees and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them appreciate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
needed to earn it.
Secondly
, they take the
first
steps in learning how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
for instance
, have a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job in order to save for something they would
otherwise
be unable to afford. Understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management,
furthermore
, is useful when, as adults, they will need to balance their finances.

Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could face serious drawbacks from paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. One
potentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
problem is that it exposes them to exploitation through slave
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries that do not enforce children's employment laws, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up working under extreme conditions or even in life threatening situations for negligible wages. Starting life in this way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it almost impossible for them to escape poverty as adults. Another obvious issue is that working may affect a child’s ability to focus on their school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is a concern as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with a strong academic performance can a child hope to advance as an adult.

In conclusion
,
being exploited
or struggling with academic grades far outweighs any of the minor benefits that could result from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay question 2: Some people think that it is more fun to spend time with friends at restaurant or cafes. Others think it is more fun to spend time with friends at home? Which do you think it is better? Explain why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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