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Internet social media have become very popular. To what extent do you think this is a good or bad thing? Why do you think this is the case? v.2

Internet social media have become very popular. Why do you think this is the case? v. 2
The social sites are an innovation on the World Wide Web that quickly gained popularity because allow users to communicate with everybody around the world. Nevertheless, as more the social web became popular as more time spend there people, which has an ambiguous consequence for a job or education. Therefore, I think, as a man whom born before the advent of the internet, the social media was initially being elaborated with good aims at communication. However, a society has identified drawbacks in the social web in part of security and time management; accordingly, today a majority of people is comparing it with drugs and tend to diminish using these sites. Firstly, few people can deny the fact that social sites have a huge positive impact on the life of people because have wide opportunities to liaise with like-minded people or relatives wherever they are. For example, presently people tend to travel or immigrate and occasionally social sites are the only way for communication. Likewise, people can publish their interests and others via filters can easier search friends for the interests. Consequently, as initially was planned, social pages have the positive side because they still help people connecting. Nonetheless, social sites brought not only a positive, but also a negative result because appeared a new type of fraud, and problems with the health. For instance, many such sites have the online shops there people buy something, thereby fraudsters have adapted to stealing information from debit cards. Moreover, using such sites assumes the sedentary style of life that leads to different types of sickness. Thus, people cannot ignore these troubles and should accept that some part of an activity on social sites is bad. To conclude, I believe that the social web will be able to be good because presently it is a new for us and we only are starting learn how use it properly. Furthermore, a security level each year will be improving that probably allow in the future using the social web with more safety.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are an innovation on the World Wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Web
that
quickly
gained popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
users to communicate with everybody around the world.
Nevertheless
, as more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
web
became popular as more time spend there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which has an ambiguous consequence for a job or education.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
whom born
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the advent of the internet, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media was
initially
being elaborated
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
aims at communication.
However
, a society has identified drawbacks in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
web
in part of security and time management;
accordingly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is comparing it with drugs and tend to diminish using these sites.

Firstly
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can deny the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
have wide opportunities to liaise with like-minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or relatives wherever they are.
For example
,
presently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to travel or immigrate and
occasionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for communication.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can publish their interests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
via filters can easier search friends for the interests.
Consequently
, as
initially
was planned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
pages have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connecting.

Nonetheless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
brought not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
appeared a new type of fraud, and problems with the health.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have the online shops there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something, thereby fraudsters have adapted to stealing information from debit cards.
Moreover
, using such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
assumes the sedentary style of life that leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of sickness.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
these troubles and should accept that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of an activity on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

To conclude
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
web
will be able to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
presently
it is a new for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are starting learn how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
properly
.
Furthermore
, a security level each year will be improving that
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
in the future using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
web
with more safety.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Internet social media have become very popular. Why do you think this is the case? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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