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In the past, many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

In the past, many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women. v. 1
It is true that men have always been dominating the world of politics. Given the many wars throughout the history of mankind, many people believe that the world would become a better place for everyone if it were run by women. In this essay, however, I will challenge this school of thought. Granted, one might argue that men are generally more aggressive by nature and therefore they often resort to violence to achieve what they want. However, to say that the world would be better governed by female politicians is to ignore the very fact that the ability to run a country lies in the leaders’ vision, skills and mindset, to name just a few. These vary much more significantly at an individual level rather than a gender one. In other words, many male politicians are caring and restlessly try to seek ways to resolve conflicts, while some female leaders might be determined to seek vengeance or control at the cost of their citizens’ lives. To add further credence to my assertion, I note that war is primarily caused by human greed and differing ideologies. With regard to the former, this characteristic is not confined to only males, as we see, for example, in the significant number of materialistically driven female warlords over the course of recorded history in Egypt and many other civilizations. Another factor is differences in opinions where one might believe that his or her race is superior to the other or others, leading to genocides. Again, this has little to do with one’s gender, but his or her beliefs. In conclusion, the negative stereotypical view towards male leaders, depicting them as violent or aggressive, should not be supported. I take this view on account of the fact that war and conflicts often result from one’s greed and differences in ideologies and that by no means is the ability to rule a nation found in one’s gender.
It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have always been dominating the world of politics.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wars throughout the history of mankind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the world would become a better place for everyone if it
were run
by women. In this essay,
however
, I will challenge this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

Granted, one might argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are
generally
more aggressive by nature and
therefore
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
resort to violence to achieve what they want.
However
, to say that the world would be better governed by female politicians is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fact that the ability to run a country lies in the leaders’ vision,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and mindset, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few. These vary much more
significantly
at an individual level
rather
than a gender one. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
male politicians are caring and
restlessly
try to seek ways to resolve conflicts, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
female leaders might
be determined
to seek vengeance or control at the cost of their citizens’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
credence to my assertion, I note that war is
primarily
caused by human greed and differing ideologies. With regard to the former, this characteristic is not confined to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
males, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
for example
, in the significant number of
materialistically
driven female warlords over the course of recorded history in Egypt and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
civilizations. Another factor is differences in opinions where one might believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
race is superior to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
or others, leading to genocides. Again, this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to do with one’s gender,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
beliefs.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
stereotypical view towards male leaders, depicting them as violent or aggressive, should not
be supported
. I take this view on account of the fact that war and conflicts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
result from one’s greed and differences in ideologies and that by no means is the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
a nation found in one’s gender.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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