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Internet social media have become very popular. To what extent do you think this is a good or bad thing? Why do you think this is the case? v.4

In the current internet age, it would be virtually impossible to find a person not on any social media. This has led to us being closely connected to our friends and families even if we are separated by over thousands of kilometers. I agree that the advantages of social media far outweigh the disadvantages. Man is a social animal, he yearns for human contact and interaction. Social media has allowed us to get in touch with our friends and family in a matter of seconds by a simple click on the screen. This has proved to be a mental support to a lot of people who work or study far away from their dear ones. Especially in these trying times of quarantine, where all human contact is banned, social media proves to be the only medium of communication for these people. It is hard to imagine being in quarantine without having access to such media which makes sure that even in solitude you are never truly alone. Social media also provides a means for talented people to showcase their arts, gain recognition and even earn a steady income. Owing to these social media websites, most people open themselves and at times, sensitive information to certain people who might use it adversely. That said, most websites do not force their users to put a lot of information and the websites that make certain information mandatory often allow their users to control the visibility of the infomation. This means users can choose whether to share their information at all, and if they choose to share their information they can decide with whom they wanna share it. However, there exist people who are so well-versed in computer skills that they can bypass the security of these websites and make the hidden information available to them. We all have at least once heard in our lifetime heard stories of famous personalities becoming a victim to these hacks. These hackers often gain access to financial and personal content that the original owner does not intend to share with the world. A great example that is fresh in my memory is of a young 8-year old kid sending his mother's credit card details to a middle aged man posing a kid. This man then emptied the mother's account but he was soon caught and put behind bars. From both these examples it is clear that despite the numerous advantages that social media possesses, the risk of attacks on our sensitive is always prevalent. However, this can be easily avoided by engaging in safe browsing, using specially built applications that track the information you enter and simply following certain precautions while using a new website. In conclusion, social media, if used correctly can prove to be an excellent tool that can prove instrumental in humanity's evolution. There is also a need of being careful while selecting who we share our information with.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
internet age, it would be
virtually
impossible to find a person not on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This has led to us being
closely
connected to our friends and families even if we
are separated
by over thousands of kilometers. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
far outweigh the disadvantages.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
animal, he yearns for human contact and interaction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with our friends and family in a matter of seconds by a simple click on the screen. This has proved to be a mental support to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work or study far away from their dear ones.
Especially
in these trying times of quarantine, where all human contact
is banned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
proves to be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
medium of communication for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine being in quarantine without having access to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sure that even in solitude you are never
truly
alone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
provides a means for talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to showcase their arts, gain recognition and even earn a steady income.

Owing to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
websites, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
open themselves and at times, sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
adversely
. That said, most websites do not force their users to put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and the websites that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
mandatory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their users to control the visibility of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
infomation
. This means users can choose whether to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
at all, and if they choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
they can decide with whom they
The word 'wanna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
wanna
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
it.
However
, there exist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
well-versed in computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that they can bypass the security of these websites and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the hidden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
available to them. We all have at least once heard in our lifetime heard stories of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities becoming a victim to these hacks. These hackers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
gain access to financial and personal content that the original owner does not intend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
with the world.

A great example
that is
fresh in my memory is of a young 8-year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
kid sending his mother's credit card
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
posing a kid. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
then emptied the mother's account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
caught and put behind bars. From both these examples it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that despite the numerous advantages that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
possesses, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of attacks on our sensitive is always prevalent.
However
, this can be
easily
avoided by engaging in safe browsing, using
specially
built applications that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
you enter and
simply
following certain precautions while using a new website.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
correctly
can prove to be an excellent tool that can prove instrumental in humanity's evolution. There is
also
a need of being careful while selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
with.
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
485 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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