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Internet is doing more harm than good, do you agree or disagree? v.1

Internet is doing more harm than good, v. 1
In recent years, with the technological advancement, it is undeniable that internet play an important role in daily life. While some people think that Internet is detrimental, others believe that it is indispensable part in our lives. While i accept that Internet has negative side, I strongly believe that the Internet’ role are more crucial. On the one hand, there are several reasons for people do not support using Internet. First of all, Internet has downsides for children. In fact, teenagers are easily involved in social networking platforms in Internet. They spend lots of time sitting in front of the screen to play game or surf web. This prevent them from taking part in outdoor activities. As a result, this will cause health problems such as obesity. Secondly, using Internet overly can make people become more and more passive. With a great deal of information in Internet, everybody can approach and use them for study or work which help people complete their task easily, therefore this make people more lazy. What can be infered from this is that it would be dangerous to people who dependent on Internet too much. However, I would argue that these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. The first benefit of Internet would be that it plays an important role in improving the effectiveness of student learning. In fact that in recent years, more and more students use Internet as a source of information which is useful for their schooling, as a result, learners can enrich their horizon and have different view in every field of life by taking part in online learning courses or listening many lectures in online platforms and so forth. In addition, Internet is also effective tool for relaxing. Through a great deal of online programs involving music, sport, game; users can be able to approach different entertainment methods which bring out relaxation after hard-working day. In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of Internet are more significant than the drawbacks.
In recent years, with the technological advancement, it is undeniable that internet play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in daily life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that Internet is detrimental, others believe that it is indispensable part in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
accept that Internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, I
strongly
believe that the Internet’ role are more crucial.

On the one hand, there are several reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not support using Internet.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Internet has downsides for children. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
easily
involved in social networking platforms in Internet. They spend lots of time sitting in front of the screen to play game or surf web. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from taking part in outdoor activities.
As a result
, this will cause health problems such as obesity.
Secondly
, using Internet
overly
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more and more passive. With a great deal of information in Internet, everybody can approach and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for study or work which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complete their task
easily
,
therefore
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more lazy. What can be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "inferred", the past tense form of the verb 'infer'?
infered
from this is that it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a dependent".
who dependent
on Internet too much.

However
, I would argue that these drawbacks
are outweighed
by the benefits. The
first
benefit of Internet would be that it plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in improving the effectiveness of student learning. In fact that in recent years, more and more students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Internet as a source of information which is useful for their schooling,
as a result
, learners can enrich their horizon and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view in every field of life by taking part in online learning courses or listening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lectures in online platforms and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
In addition
, Internet is
also
effective tool for relaxing. Through a great deal of online programs involving music, sport, game; users can be able to approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
entertainment methods which bring out relaxation after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working day.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the benefits of Internet are more significant than the drawbacks.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Internet is doing more harm than good, v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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