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We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in term of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree? v.2

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in term of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. v. 2
In this world of technology today, although, internet is clearly beneficial, but problems associated with its control and security of information are a drawback. In my opinion, I believe that technology along with its brighter side has some flaws too, which are associated with problems like privacy issues and leakage of financial data. Firstly, the privacy issues are the main problem. As the social networking websites are becoming more popular, so is the threat of leakage of personal data. The sites such as Facebook and Instagram where people post their personal material along with their pictures fall as an easy prey for criminals who can use their identity. This will not only increase a problem for people whose identity is stolen, but for the rest of the community too. Moreover, the internet can help criminal to hide by using another person’s information and become a big challenge to seek them. Secondly, the other issue which has shaken the financial system is hacking of financial sites. Hacking is one of the prominent problem of using internet for financial transactions. As online shopping and banking is making their ways on a bigger platform to reach many customers, so is the cyber crime. The financial data related to the credit and debit card is more vulnerable as it is mostly used by many people to pay their bills as well as for shopping, sometimes by registering at unsecured sites unknowingly will lead the customer to lose their financial data which indeed is a lose to people as well as the banks. In conclusion, although internet is beneficial, but has its drawbacks too, which is indeed a set back.
In this world of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, although, internet is
clearly
beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with its control and security of information are a drawback. In my opinion, I believe that technology along with its brighter side has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
flaws too, which
are associated
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like privacy issues and leakage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
data.

Firstly
, the privacy issues are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. As the social networking websites are becoming more popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is the threat of leakage of personal data. The sites such as Facebook and Instagram where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
post their personal material along with their pictures fall as an easy prey for criminals who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their identity. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose identity
is stolen
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the rest of the community too.
Moreover
, the internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
criminal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
by using another person’s information and become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
challenge to seek them.

Secondly
, the other issue which has shaken the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
system is hacking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
sites. Hacking is one of the prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of using internet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
transactions. As online shopping and banking is making their ways on a bigger platform to reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
customers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is the cyber crime. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
data related to the credit and debit card is more vulnerable as it is
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay their bills
as well
as for shopping,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
by registering at unsecured sites
unknowingly
will lead the customer to lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
data which
indeed
is a
Did you mean "loose" (adjective) or "loss" (noun)?
lose
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as the banks.

In conclusion
, although internet is beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has its drawbacks too, which is
indeed
a set back.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in term of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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