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Internet crime is increasing rapidly as more and more people are using the internet to make financial transactions. What are the solutions to tackle this problem? v.1

Internet crime is increasing rapidly as more and more people are using the internet to make financial transactions. What are the solutions to tackle this problem? v. 1
The invention of the internet has led to dramatic changes in the way information is shared and distributed. This system has given rise to the problem of cybercrimes as many people are now using the internet for financial transactions. This essay shall explore and discuss some of the measures to combat this problem. Nowadays, people have started sharing sensitive data on various online platforms for making payments. This lead to cyber security breaches and thousands of dollars are stolen by the hackers in few seconds, therefore; substantial changes should be brought into the system to save our data. First of all, the web applications and websites who provide the facility of online money transfer should take the responsibility to secure the data of their customers. To do this, they should install robust anti-hacking software to cease the unauthorised access of the information. Besides this, payment companies such as PayPal and Google Pay should keep a separate department whose job is to do data surveillance, and inform the higher authorities in case of security lapse. In addition to this, the government should implement strict rules regarding online robberies. As this is a novel crime, they have not yet set proper criminal and penal codes for these types of crimes. Furthermore, cyber security awareness campaigns should be initiated in the public and make them vigilant regarding online frauds as several incidents have been reported where people gave sensitive personal details such as OTP, and ATM code to the strangers unknowingly and become victims of online thefts. In conclusion, although the problem of the internet crimes is not insurmountable, I believe that it is the responsibility of both the government and the payment companies to solve this issue. They should work together by considering some of the solutions proposed above to put a stop to these crimes.
The invention of the internet has led to dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the way information
is shared
and distributed. This system has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to the problem of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cybercrimes
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
using the internet for financial transactions. This essay shall explore and discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
measures to combat this problem.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
sharing sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms for making payments. This lead to cyber security breaches and thousands of dollars
are stolen
by the hackers in few seconds,
therefore
; substantial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
should
be brought
into the system to save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the web applications and websites who provide the facility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
money transfer should take the responsibility to secure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of their customers. To do this, they should install robust anti-hacking software to cease the
Possible spelling mistake. 'unauthorised' is British English.
unauthorised
access of the information.
Besides
this, payment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as PayPal and Google Pay should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a separate department whose job is to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
surveillance, and inform the higher authorities in case of security lapse.

In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
robberies. As this is a novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, they have not
yet
set proper criminal and penal codes for these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Furthermore
, cyber security awareness campaigns should
be initiated
in the public and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them vigilant regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
frauds as several incidents have
been reported
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gave sensitive personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
such as OTP, and ATM code to the strangers
unknowingly
and become victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
thefts.

In conclusion
, although the problem of the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is not insurmountable, I believe that it is the responsibility of both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the payment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to solve this issue. They should work together by considering
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
solutions proposed above to put a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Internet crime is increasing rapidly as more and more people are using the internet to make financial transactions. What are the solutions to tackle this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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