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International travel is becoming coming cheaper and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourist do the advantage of increased tourists outweigh disadvantages v.1

International travel is becoming coming cheaper and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourist do the advantage of increased tourists outweigh disadvantages v. 1
It is generally thought that media like television can increase the spread of violence. TV shows show often violent activities, making some people believe that these actions will be imitated, perhaps by some young people. In this essay, I will discuss this belief. Firstly, I believe that today's media have some role in the education of young generations. They spend a lot of their time watching movies or TV series and, because of their young age, they are easily influenced by what they see on television. In fact, I think that it is very important to show them good examples of behaviour, giving much less space to violence and other dangerous activities. Secondly, at the same time, television is not the main educator in a society. Families and schools are much more important and influential during the growth of a boy or a girl. Furthermore, regarding adults, their nature is not defined by what they see on television. They can still do something bad and violent, even if they haven't seen recently something violent on TV. Contrariwise to the general belief, I think that these blamed movies or TV series, can allow people to vent their anger and stress, so as to reduce violence in social life. Finally, I believe that is surely important to reduce shows of violence for younger generations, but at the same time, for those who have already passed their youth, this fictional violence can serve as a relief valve and help reduce violence in our community.
It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that media like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can increase the spread of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
violent activities, making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that these actions will
be imitated
, perhaps by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In this essay, I will discuss this belief.

Firstly
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's media have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
role in the education of young generations. They spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their time watching movies or TV series and,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their young age, they are
easily
influenced by what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. In fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, giving much less space to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities.

Secondly
, at the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not the main educator in a society. Families and schools are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and influential during the growth of a boy or a girl.
Furthermore
, regarding adults, their nature is not defined by what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. They can
still
do something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and violent, even if they haven't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
recently something violent on TV. Contrariwise to the general belief, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these blamed movies or TV series, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to vent their anger and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in social life.

Finally
, I believe
that is
surely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
for younger generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, for those who have already passed their youth, this fictional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
can serve as a relief valve and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in our community.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay International travel is becoming coming cheaper and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourist do the advantage of increased tourists outweigh disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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