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International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
Based on the globalization, there are lots of nations become open-minded in the field of tourism and it is the prime reason which facilitates citizens have a chance to expose to this smokeless industry as a milestone. Even when this leisure industry still exists many problems but I believe that the drawbacks outperform the benefits. It is comprehensible why many countries advocate the tourism and it is not pricey like in the previous years. First of all, personal income of residents is higher than before so they can afford to these journeys which brings a huge profit to tourist destinations. As a result, the politicians make use of those revenues to foster an efficient transport system and improve their facilities which lift up the country’s profile. Secondly, indigenous residents ought to broaden their horizon due to travelling. For example, people will expose to the cultural diversity while they travel abroad. Nowadays, strengthening the knowledge about other cultures is integral because of integration trend nationwide. However, in spite of the fact that tourism plays a vital role in the financial countries, there are still some drawbacks that the governments cannot bypass. On top of that, when lots of foreigners visit a countries, the security of nations will be at risk because the authorities may find it hard to suppress the criminals. There is no doubt that this situation can be out of control when many travelers come their countries and bring evils such as heroin, cannabis and so on. Last but not least, citizens are able to lost their cultural identity due to the cultural interference. Consequently, according to the analysis of many experts when people attempt to get familiar with other customs, it will pose a threat to their own cultural uniqueness. To conclude, it is undeniable that traveling can enhance the economy of countries but it also wreck the traditions of nations. I strongly believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of tourism.
Based on the globalization, there are lots of nations become open-minded in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and it is the prime reason which facilitates citizens have a chance to expose to this smokeless industry as a milestone. Even when this leisure industry
still
exists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that the drawbacks outperform the benefits.

It is comprehensible why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
advocate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and it is not pricey like in the previous years.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, personal income of residents is higher than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can afford to these journeys which brings a huge profit to tourist destinations.
As a result
, the politicians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of those revenues to foster an efficient transport system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their facilities which
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
profile.
Secondly
, indigenous residents ought to broaden their horizon due to travelling.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will expose to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity while they travel abroad. Nowadays, strengthening the knowledge about other cultures is integral
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of integration trend nationwide.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
plays a vital role in the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
cannot bypass.
On top of that
, when lots of foreigners visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the security of nations will be at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the authorities may find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to suppress the criminals. There is no doubt that this situation can be out of control when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
travelers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and bring evils such as heroin, cannabis and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, citizens are able to lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
interference.
Consequently
, according to the analysis of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with other customs, it will pose a threat to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
uniqueness.

To conclude
, it is undeniable that traveling can enhance the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Did you mean "wrecks"?
wreck
the traditions of nations. I
strongly
believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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