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The idea of having a single career is becoming anold fashioned one. The new fashion will be to haveseveral careers or ways of earning money andfurther education will be something that continuesthroughout life. v.2

The idea of having a single career is becoming anold fashioned one. The new fashion will be to haveseveral careers or ways of earning money andfurther education will be something that continuesthroughout life. v. 2
The greatest people who achieved more have the common characteristics and it' s their perseverance towards their goal. They set an aim and walk towards it despite the hardship. But in current trend, people tend to evolve. They chose more than one career to reach their goal in order to succeed without any doubts. It is further assured by their masters degree. Reasons for choosing more than one career are: • To manage the competition • To lift the family' s burden • To realize their dream It is smart to pursue more than one career as the world becomes competitive. It made even the inborn talents difficult to set their feet. As the number of graduates increasing gradually, the employment decreases. In order to overcome this difficulty, it is wiser to opt for the higher studies and be a unique one in a crowd of undergraduates. Most of the people prefer IT company even though they are from other departments. Because of their family situation, they have no other options. After their family status is improved, they moved on to their core companies to be what they wished to be. While some of them choose more than one career to realize their dream. The well known example is MS Dhoni who is ticket collector in railway station at first and now he is the best captain of all time in cricket world. One should take risk to realize their dream by picking out more than one career. They should be calculative when to take risk so that their desire comes true. In the world of many opportunities, one should grab a one to reach their goal. This essay discussed about the way of new fashion by picking out more than one career. In my opinion, it is not bad to have more chances. So I concur with the statement.
The greatest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who achieved more have the

common characteristics and
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s their perseverance

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
towards
their goal. They set an aim and walk
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
towards


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
despite the hardship.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
tend
to evolve. They chose more than one
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
career


to reach their goal in order to succeed without any

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
doubts
. It is
further
assured by their
For an academic degree, use "master’s".
masters
degree.

Reasons for choosing more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
are:

• To manage the competition

• To lift the
Possible spelling mistake found.
family&
#039; s burden

• To realize their dream

It is smart to pursue more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
world
becomes competitive. It made even the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
inborn


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
talents
difficult to set their feet. As the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
number


of graduates increasing
gradually
, the employment

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
decreases
. In order to overcome this difficulty, it
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
is


wiser to opt for the higher studies and be a unique one

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
a crowd of undergraduates.

Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
even though


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
are from other departments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
their


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
family
situation, they have no other options. After

their family status is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
on to their

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
core
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to be what they wished to be.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them choose more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
realize
their dream. The well known example is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
MS


Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhoni
who is ticket collector in railway station at
first


and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is the best captain of all time in cricket

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
world
. One should take
The verb 'risk' is used with the gerund form: "risk realizing".
risk to realize
their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
dream


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
picking out more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. They should
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
be


calculative when to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their desire

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
comes
true.

In the world of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities, one should grab

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
one to reach their goal. This essay
Consider using "discussed" or "talked about".
discussed about


the way of new fashion by picking out more than

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. In my opinion, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to have
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
more


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
chances
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I concur with the statement.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay The idea of having a single career is becoming anold fashioned one. The new fashion will be to haveseveral careers or ways of earning money andfurther education will be something that continuesthroughout life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
36 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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