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International tourism has become cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of increasing tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

International tourism has become cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of increasing tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Globalized world has brought many unprecedented changes for the people wherein tourism plays a vital role for many nations as well as now people can easily travel on account of affordability. However, there are several advantages and disadvantages which associate with tourism. To begin with, earlier, it was very difficult to travel from one country to another country owing to various reasons such as expensiveness and so on. But, now traveling is possible for almost everyone which in turn bring myriad advantages. Firstly, tourism generates huge employment for the local people, thereby it helps to root out poverty which brings better lifestyle for the local people. Furthermore, tourism allows local people to interact with people of different mindsets, cultures, values and so on, which is a milestone for moulding personality of someone in a better way. Secondly, tourism acts a thread which binds nations whereby harmony and relations between countries flourish by leaps and bounds. In addition, tourism has proved as a bedrock for many nation' s economies. For instance, Thailand is the country, whose economy is mostly dependent on tourism. On the contrary, tourism exhibits manifold disadvantages. Very first, tourism is a major cause of conflict for nations because many a time, it has been found that tourists do not respect local culture, tradition, and due to economical tourism, there is an influx of tourists on a large extent which again intervene in the values of society and thereby tourism may obliterate harmony and relations between countries. Lastly, affordability of international tourism brings temptation for many people to travel in different parts of the world, and thus create imbalance of resources by exploiting various things. In conclusion, tourism provides many valuable things for people, but there should be certain rules and regulation. Here, the advantages outweigh disadvantages here.
Globalized world has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unprecedented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wherein
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
plays a vital role for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
travel on account of affordability.
However
, there are several advantages and disadvantages which associate with tourism.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, earlier, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to travel from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
owing to various reasons such as expensiveness and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
traveling is possible for almost everyone which in turn bring myriad advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
generates huge employment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, thereby it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to root out poverty which brings better lifestyle for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mindsets, cultures, values and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which is a milestone for
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
personality of someone in a better way.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
acts a thread which binds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
whereby harmony and relations between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
flourish by leaps and bounds.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has proved as a bedrock for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
nation&
#039; s economies.
For instance
, Thailand is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, whose economy is
mostly
dependent on tourism.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
exhibits manifold disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is a major cause of conflict for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a time, it has
been found
that tourists do not respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture, tradition, and due to economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, there is an influx of tourists on a large extent which again intervene in the values of society and thereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
may obliterate harmony and relations between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Lastly
, affordability of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
brings temptation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world, and
thus
create imbalance of resources by exploiting various things.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable things for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation. Here, the advantages outweigh disadvantages here.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay International tourism has become cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of increasing tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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