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International tourism and international trade are two important aspects of the development of the economy of a country and a country can get numerous benefits from the close relationship it maintains with foreign countries. v.7

International tourism and international trade are two important aspects of the development of the economy of a country and a country can get numerous benefits from the close relationship it maintains with foreign countries. v. 7
A group of people believe that music course should not be included in the school curriculum, and children should focus on learning important subjects such as mathematics, science, computer and language. I personally disagree with the statement, since I believe that music plays an important part in human's life and the following essay will discuss it in details. Firstly, based on the reliable scientific research, it was found that the music has a positive impact on children's brain development. These scientists believe that children who play musical instruments such as piano or violin are more intelligent than the ordinary children. Children who frequently listen to music or play music instruments have a proportionate use of their left and right brain; therefore they could combine their emotional and logical thinking. One of the examples is the famous composer Mozart, who had been introduced to music since he was five years old, and became one of the greatest world composers. Secondly, the existence of music class also plays an important role for the school and the children as well. It is a fact that each child is born with different talent and passion. Some children might be born with the interest in calculation or logical thinking, but there are others who are born with the talent in arts, such as painting, singing or playing musical instruments. Therefore the existence of musical class can be used to facilitate and develop children who have a passion for music. Besides that, music class can also be used a preparation for school performance. It is common that during a graduation ceremony, there will be some performance from children and one of them might be the choir. The music class can be used for rehearsal, therefore, the children's choir could perform well during the ceremony. In conclusion, several people believe that musical class should be eliminated from school curriculum since it is a waste of money and time. They believe that school should focus more on useful subjects, such as biology, chemistry or mathematics.   I totally disagree with the statement, since I do believe that music can be a positive influence on the children's brain development. Besides that, it is true that every individual is born with different talent and passion; therefore schools cannot enforce children to focus on studying some particular subjects.
A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
course should not
be included
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus on learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects such as mathematics, science, computer and language. I
personally
disagree with the statement, since I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in human's life and the following essay will discuss it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Firstly
, based on the reliable scientific research, it
was found
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on children's brain development. These scientists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
instruments such as piano or violin are more intelligent than the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
frequently
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
instruments have a proportionate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
and right brain;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
they could combine their emotional and logical thinking. One of the examples is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
composer Mozart,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had
been introduced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
since he was five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, and became one of the greatest world composers.

Secondly
, the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
. It is a fact that each child
is born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
talent and passion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might
be born
with the interest in calculation or logical thinking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are born
with the talent in arts, such as painting, singing or playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
instruments.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to facilitate and develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a passion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a preparation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
performance. It is common that during a graduation ceremony, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
performance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and one of them might be the choir. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for rehearsal,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, the children's choir could perform well during the ceremony.

In conclusion
, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
should
be eliminated
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum since it is a waste of money and time. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should focus more on useful subjects, such as biology, chemistry or mathematics.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I
totally
disagree with the statement, since I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on the children's brain development.
Besides
that, it is true that every individual
is born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
talent and passion;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
cannot enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to focus on studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular subjects.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay International tourism and international trade are two important aspects of the development of the economy of a country and a country can get numerous benefits from the close relationship it maintains with foreign countries. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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