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International tourism and international trade are two important aspects of the development of the economy of a country and a country can get numerous benefits from the close relationship it maintains with foreign countries. v.1

International tourism and international trade are two important aspects of the development of the economy of a country and a country can get numerous benefits from the close relationship it maintains with foreign countries. v. 1
Today, the majority of the people travel in different countries as part of their work, travel or living. But the fact is whether it bring a benefit to society or not? I would like to share my opinion in the following paragraphs. Firstly, as people start travelling to different places, they communicate with the local people, which make it possible to understand each other and lead a good relationship. This relationship may help to bring a good understanding and bonding among the nations. Moreover, as the number of tourists increases, tourist resorts also increases, revenue collection will be increased, which reduces the burden of government barring all the expenses of the maintenance. The economic level of a country will be in a control. This not only provides financial support to the government, as a number of accommodation centre increases, need for employee also increase as a result.   The problem for unemployment can be solved, which helps in making a powerful and developed economy. On the other side, most of the nations have their own tradition and culture. This difference is major in countries where fewer foreign tourists come to visit when compared with other countries where a large number of tourists travel and stay each year. This may create a serious issue in some places where the tradition is on the upper side. For example; the dressing style of western country differs from our nation. When they visit a sacred place such as temples, mosques or some other pilgrimage places may create some inconvenient situation for the locals. Sometimes, the situation may become worst which may result in future conflicts among the nations. To sum up with my words, despite the drawbacks in the above paragraph, the international tourism helps to a greater extent in forming a nation and to lead a peaceful, friendly relationship among them and making the planet earth a meaningful one.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travel in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as part of their work, travel or living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the fact is whether it bring a benefit to society or not? I would like to share my opinion in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
travelling to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, they communicate with the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it possible to understand each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and lead a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship. This relationship may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to bring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding and bonding among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Moreover
, as the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
resorts
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
, revenue collection will
be increased
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the burden of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
barring all the expenses of the maintenance. The economic level of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be in a control. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides financial support to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, as a number of accommodation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
, need for employee
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
as a result
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
The problem for unemployment can
be solved
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in making a powerful and developed economy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tradition and culture. This difference is major in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where fewer foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to visit when compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
travel and stay each year. This may create a serious issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where the tradition is on the upper side.
For example
; the dressing style of western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
differs from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. When they visit a sacred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
such as temples, mosques or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
pilgrimage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
may create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconvenient situation for the locals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the situation may become worst which may result in future conflicts among the nations.

To sum up with my words, despite the drawbacks in the above paragraph, the international tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to a greater extent in forming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and to lead a peaceful, friendly relationship among them and making the planet earth a meaningful one.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay International tourism and international trade are two important aspects of the development of the economy of a country and a country can get numerous benefits from the close relationship it maintains with foreign countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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