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Integrated quest 6: using the main points and examples from the lecture, describe the skinner box, and then explain how the device is used in psychology experiments. v.1

Integrated quest 6: using the main points and examples from the lecture, describe the skinner box, and then explain how the device is used in psychology experiments. v. 1
In this modern era, some industries sponsor sports to advertise their brands. According to some experts, sponsoring a sports event is a good thing, but others think it has many demerits. Before giving an opinion both views are explained in the upcoming paragraphs. There are many companies who spend money on sports to publicly their products. Some professionals say that it has numerous advantages. First of all, this idea gives opportunity to players who want to show their talent and skills. Secondly, it also encourages poor sections of society because if the person has sportsmanship, quality, company can sponsor him. By this mode, a person can earn good money and fame as well. Lastly, sponsoring sports not only advertise the companies, but also motivates youth to take participate in the sports event. However, different companies can have conflicts with each other and which leads jealousy in players. Some individuals say that companies should not be sponsoring sports to advertise their brands because it has many limitations. The major disadvantage is that sports players will only play for the money not for passion. Moreover, selection would be based on a player's name not according his talent and skills. For instance, companies will sponsor for those who are already in lead in sports like Virat Kohli and the new generation will not get a chance to recruit. In conclusion, both views have their own pros and cons, but first view has more points to get agreed upon. Sponsoring a sports event shows company's participation towards nation. Industries also advertise their brand, but they also give big opportunities to people. So, I concur with the first view.
In this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
industries sponsor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
their brands. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsoring
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
demerits.
“Before” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Before
giving an opinion both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the upcoming paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
who spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
publicly
their products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
professionals say that it has numerous advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
gives opportunity to players who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Secondly
, it
also
encourages poor sections of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the person has sportsmanship, quality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can sponsor him. By this mode, a person can earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
money and fame
as well
.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
motivates youth to take participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can have conflicts with each other and which leads jealousy in players.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
their brands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
limitations. The major disadvantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play for the money not for passion.
Moreover
, selection would
be based
on a player's name not according his talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will sponsor for those who are already in lead in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
and the new generation will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to recruit.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
has more points to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
upon.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sponsoring
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's participation towards nation. Industries
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
their brand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I concur with the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Integrated quest 6: using the main points and examples from the lecture, describe the skinner box, and then explain how the device is used in psychology experiments. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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