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Integrated quest 6: using main points and examples of a lecture, describe the three parts of a fax machine and then explain how the fax process works. v.1

Integrated quest 6: using main points and examples of a lecture, describe the three parts of a fax machine and then explain how the fax process works. v. 1
It is true that home is the first place where children can learn certain values about life which may help them to succeed in the future, while some believe that the knowledge and skills gained from the institution has more impact on their success. I agree with this view, since it helps children to become more social and also can learn from different subjects, which was taught in the class. While there are a number of reasons why I feel schools has more influence on children’s future success, the major argument would be that children get a chance to interact with others and this will not only help them to gain confidence while talking but also help them to be social person. Admittedly, there are many activities happening in the school campus, and participating in such activities helps them to become more extrovert and eventually they can easily communicate with anyone in their forthcoming. Yet another point is that they have regular classes on different subjects based on the curriculum which can help them to get the basic knowledge on different areas such as history, arts, politics and many more. These classes may equip them with the basic understanding, which will help them in performing the job in their workplace. Likewise, in academy students can learn about the moral values as there are fixed lessons in every standard, which support them with basic values. To sum up, I feel that learning in school has more influence in the future success of any children as they can learn the social etiquette along with the basic knowledge.
It is true that home is the
first
place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
certain values about life which may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to succeed in the future, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
gained from the institution has more impact on their success. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, since it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become more social and
also
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects, which
was taught
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

While there are a number of reasons why I feel schools has more influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future success, the major argument would be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to interact with others and this will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to gain confidence while talking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to be social person.
Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities happening in the school campus, and participating in such activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to become more extrovert and
eventually
they can
easily
communicate with anyone in their forthcoming.

Yet
another point is that they have regular classes on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects based on the curriculum which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
knowledge on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas such as history, arts, politics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. These classes may equip them with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
understanding, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in performing the job in their workplace.
Likewise
, in academy students can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the moral values as there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
lessons in every standard, which support them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
values.

To sum up, I feel that learning in school has more influence in the future success of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the social etiquette along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
knowledge.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Integrated quest 6: using main points and examples of a lecture, describe the three parts of a fax machine and then explain how the fax process works. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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