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Integrated quest 4: Using main points and examples from reading, explain the differences between myths and legends. Then refer to the lecture to explain why Paul Bunyan would be considered a legend. v.1

Integrated quest 4: Using main points and examples from reading, explain the differences between myths and legends. Then refer to the lecture to explain why Paul Bunyan would be considered a legend. v. 1
It has been a trend for the last few decades that sportsmen and teams are sponsored by corporate bodies and/or government. With the increasing extent of financial sponsorship, controversies over their worthiness are also rising, However, there is nothing wrong in sponsoring them, provided the drawbacks are taken care of. There are plentiful benefits of sponsoring sportsmen financially. First, players can use the money to buy expensive but useful and latest sports equipment that can help in enhancing their skills. In addition, there are many costly software programs that can be then acquired to understand the game better and improve their performance. Second, with the help of finance, teams can hire doctors, physiotherapists, and sports psychologists. All these professional services are highly expensive but extremely essential to the team members for maintaining their physical fitness, improving mental the attitude and expanding professional life. Finally, this money is a boon for upcoming players who do not have enough financial resources to support their sports activities. On the other hand, there are some loopholes in this process. To start with, players get handsome amounts as their match fees, prizes and other gifts for their participation in tournaments. Next, it is also seen that popular sports individuals earn millions out of private brand endorsement contracts and other events like inauguration ceremonies Com parties, cultural programs and so forth. Finally, companies focus only on the highly successful player of popular sports. Consequently, other segments are completely neglected. In conclusion, I assert that if the authorities give desired importance and justice all segments of sports, financial sponsorship can be a boon for the players.
It has been a trend for the last few decades that sportsmen and teams
are sponsored
by corporate bodies and/or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. With the increasing extent of financial sponsorship, controversies over their worthiness are
also
rising,
However
, there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in sponsoring them, provided the drawbacks
are taken
care of.

There are plentiful benefits of sponsoring sportsmen
financially
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
useful and latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in enhancing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
costly software programs that can be then acquired to understand the game better and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance.

Second, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of finance, teams can hire doctors, physiotherapists, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
psychologists. All these professional services are
highly
expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
extremely
essential to the team members for maintaining their physical fitness, improving mental the attitude and expanding professional life.
Finally
, this money is a boon for upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial resources to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
loopholes in this process. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
handsome amounts as their match fees, prizes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
gifts for their participation in tournaments.
Next
, it is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
individuals earn millions out of private brand endorsement contracts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like inauguration ceremonies Com parties, cultural programs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
highly
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
of popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
segments are completely neglected.

In conclusion
, I assert that if the authorities give desired importance and justice all segments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, financial sponsorship can be a boon for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Integrated quest 4: Using main points and examples from reading, explain the differences between myths and legends. Then refer to the lecture to explain why Paul Bunyan would be considered a legend. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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