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Why do some people who leave school early are more successful compared with those who complete their studies. Give reasons why they are more successful and what is required to be successful? v.1

Why do some people who leave school early are more successful compared with those who complete their studies. Give reasons why they are more successful and what is required to be successful? v. 1
Undoubtedly, it has been noticed that less educated people succeed early as compared to those who have formal education. The reasons behind this achievement along with the traits to gain success will be discussed in further paragraphs. To begin with the reasons why people who left school without completing studies are more prosperous than others are hardwork and failure at early age. To explain, it is generally seem that one who is unable to continue his studies has to work hard for earning money, and many a times failure is faced by such individuals. But, learning from mistakes and experiencing real life lead them towards success. Therefore, according to an old saying "failure is the key to success", many famous businessmen like DhiruBhai Ambani and Mukesh Ambani are example for the society as despite having formal education they are successful entrepreneurs. There are three main qualities requiring for getting success: strong determination, good commumication skill and risk taking capacity. If one has strong determination then he can easily achieve his desired goals since positive wipes makes a person positive. Likely, one with multilingual or bilingual skills could easily succeed because candidates with such skills are priortised by employers. To substantiate, many multinational companies offer job to those applicants who are fluent in English in order to deal with their customers. In addition, personalties with risk taking capacity gain achievements than those who concentrate in completing their higher studies. In conclusion, less educated people are seem to be more successful than educated ones. While, above mentioned traits can help individuals to gain success.
Undoubtedly
, it has
been noticed
that less educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
succeed early as compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have formal education. The reasons behind this achievement along with the traits to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
will
be discussed
in
further
paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
school without completing studies are more prosperous than others are
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
and failure at early age. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, it is
generally
Consider using a past participle here: "seemed".
seem
that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is unable to continue his studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for earning money, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a times failure
is faced
by such individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, learning from mistakes and experiencing real life lead them towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Therefore
, according to an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
failure is the key to success
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
businessmen like
Possible spelling mistake found.
DhiruBhai
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
and Mukesh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
are example for the society as despite having formal education they are successful entrepreneurs.

There are three main qualities requiring for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
: strong determination,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
commumication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
taking capacity. If one has strong determination then he can
easily
achieve his desired goals since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
wipes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. Likely, one with multilingual or bilingual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
could
easily
succeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
candidates with such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
priortised
by employers. To substantiate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
offer job to those applicants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are fluent in English in order to deal with their customers.
In addition
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
personalties
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
taking capacity gain achievements than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
concentrate in completing their higher studies.

In conclusion
, less educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
Consider using a past participle here: "seemed".
seem
to be more successful than educated ones.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, above mentioned traits can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Why do some people who leave school early are more successful compared with those who complete their studies. Give reasons why they are more successful and what is required to be successful? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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