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Inspite of advancement made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.2

It is said that if the people of a nation sleep empty stomach, it is the failure of the nation. There have been a large number of advances in agriculture yet the people suffer with hunger. Advances in agriculture includes chemicals, improved infrastructure, better machines, machines for stubble management etc. Though the advances have supported agriculture in many areas but there are still man areas where the development hasn't reached or the farmers can't afford such high priced technologies. In simpler terms, the benefit of this hasn't reached the common man. The newly developed infrastructure adds to the cost of production of the crops. A large amount of farmers are unaware about the type of crops that should be grown in a particular depending on the weather conditions and soil conditions which takes its toll on price with price increasing due to additional effort. One of the major reason for people starving is poverty. Not earning enough to fulfil even the food needs of a family is a problem with various houses. Furthermore, a fact that cannot be ignored and is also a primary contributor to the problem is hoarding. Many rich companies purchase the crops form the market and hoard it, which creates a pseudo-scarcity in the market and then these profit makers increase the price of food. The increased price doesn’t fit the pocket of the poor thereby making it impossible for them to consume food. A similar example was seen few year back in my country India, where onions were hoarded, which led to onion prices touching the skies. There are some ways by which starving can be protected. In the world where rich is getting richer and poor is getting poorer, a need to fill the gap should be a major focus. Wasting the food at ceremonies, wedding functions, restaurants is a common scenario. People are ought to learn the value of food and should avoid wastage of food. NGO’s and other social organisations must come forward to create awareness and also to collect and distribute the extra food to the needy. Government also needs to play its role for the cause by implementing stricter laws such that the rates in the market can’t be manipulated. Starving of people is a problem that needs utmost attention. Everybody has to aid in the solution and work towards eradicating hunger issue from world.
It
is said
that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of a nation sleep empty stomach, it is the failure of the nation. There have been
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
advances in agriculture
yet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer with hunger.

Advances in agriculture includes chemicals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
infrastructure, better machines, machines for stubble management etc. Though the advances have supported agriculture in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
areas where the development hasn't reached or the farmers can't afford such high priced technologies. In simpler terms, the benefit of this hasn't reached the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. The
newly
developed infrastructure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the cost of production of the crops. A large amount of farmers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
unaware about the type of crops that should
be grown
in a particular depending on the weather conditions and soil conditions which takes its toll on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
increasing due to additional effort.

One of the major reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
starving is poverty. Not earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to fulfil even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of a family is a problem with various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
Furthermore
, a fact that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and is
also
a primary contributor to the problem is hoarding.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the crops form the market and hoard it, which creates a pseudo-scarcity in the market and then these profit makers increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
doesn’t fit the pocket of the poor thereby making it impossible for them to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. A similar example was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
few year back in my country India, where onions
were hoarded
, which led to onion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
touching the skies.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways by which starving can
be protected
. In the world where rich is getting richer and poor is getting poorer, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to fill the gap should be a major focus. Wasting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at ceremonies, wedding functions, restaurants is a common scenario.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are ought to learn the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and should avoid wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. NGO’s and other social
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to create awareness and
also
to collect and distribute the extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to the needy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to play its role for the cause by implementing stricter laws such that the rates in the market can’t
be manipulated
.

Starving of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
utmost attention. Everybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
aid in the solution and work towards eradicating hunger issue from world.
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IELTS essay Inspite of advancement in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about it?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
395 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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