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Inspite of advancement made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.1

Inspite of advancement made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
In recent years, it has been observed that technology is progressing so fast, many people believe that it has positively affected all domains such as agriculture. However, even though there is a significant enhancement is food production, undoubtedly hanger still exist around the world. In my opinion, I believe that this may be due the countries' decision regarding the agricultural goods and few practices could be adapted in relation to this problem. Given that we live in an age where the agricultural process seems to be no is longer completely manual it seem logical to get behind the idea that this will enhance food production, and so nutrition should be available for the public everywhere. Hence, automating such domain is expensive. In order to cover such expenses, the government increase food prices. Thus many men, women and even children are suffering from hunger as they can't afford to buy daily meals. In contrast to other people how doesn't give value to their daily meals. On the other had, I do believe that individual's role in handling such issue is as important as the government role. From the individual side, people can donate small amount a of money to NOG organisation such as UNICEF, it doesn't take more that a phone click to do so. From the government side, there should be an increase of number of shelters in cities and reduction in basic nutrient or maybe a supply point for needy people. As a result, this may help with this problem and make people living more comfortably.
In recent years, it has
been observed
that technology is progressing
so
fast
,
many
people
believe that it has
positively
affected
all domains such as agriculture.
However
,
even though
there is a significant enhancement is food production,
undoubtedly
hanger
still
exist around the world. In my opinion, I believe that this may be due the countries' decision regarding the agricultural
goods
and few practices could
be adapted
in relation to this problem.

Given
that we
live
in an age where the agricultural process seems to be
no
is longer completely manual it
seem
logical to
get
behind the
idea
that this will enhance food production, and
so
nutrition should be available for the public everywhere.
Hence
, automating such domain is expensive. In order to cover such expenses, the
government
increase food prices.
Thus
many
men
, women and even children are suffering from hunger as they can't afford to
buy
daily meals.
In contrast
to other
people
how doesn't give value to their daily meals.

On the other had, I do believe that individual's role in handling such issue is as
important
as the
government
role. From the individual side,
people
can donate
small
amount
a
of money to
NOG
organisation
such as UNICEF, it doesn't take more that a phone click to do
so
.

From the
government
side, there should be an increase of number of shelters in cities and reduction in basic nutrient or maybe a supply point for needy
people
.
As a result
, this may
help
with this problem and
make
people
living more
comfortably
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Inspite of advancement made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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