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Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases the crime and violence in the society. v.1

Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases the crime and violence in the society. v. 1
In many countries, laws are quite flexible to let ordinary individuals carry firearms while in many other countries it is quite hard to get a license, even for a notable person, to own a gun. It is often said that when a state or country allows its citizens to carry weapons, the crime and violence rates increase there and I quite agree with this statement. First, guns are meant to shot someone either to wound or kill him. Thus the very objective of a gun is to kill a person and thus this deathly weapon can only increase the crime and violence in a society. To understand how the mass ownership of guns can increase the violence in a country we can compare a country like the USA, where carrying a gun is allowed, with a country like Japan, where it is restricted. In 2014, when the United States experienced over 18, 000 gun-related homicides, Japan had only 14 and this is quite an alarming comparison that reveals how firearms ownership by mass people can increase violence in a country. Second, research indicates that owning and carrying a gun can psychologically affect our behaviours and thus people often commit crimes only because they have guns with them. Thus letting people carry guns puts others life in risk rather than ensuring safety. Accidental, psychological, and family violence gunshot wounds and death are quite high in many countries, especially where people can carry guns with them, and the only way to reduce such crime rate is to restrict the ownership of guns. In conclusion, the only reason the authority would permit someone to carry a gun is to ensure the safety of this person. However, the reality is quite contrary and allowing people to carry guns is actually letting criminals also won it. Thus there is no doubt that people in a country should not be allowed to carry firearms and restricting it would significantly decrease the crime and violence.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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countries
, laws are
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quite
flexible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
ordinary individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
firearms while in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a license, even for a notable person, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that when a state or
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country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
its citizens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
weapons, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
rates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
there and I
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quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
are meant
to shot someone either to wound or kill him.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
objective of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
is to kill a person and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
this deathly weapon can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in a society. To understand how the mass ownership of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
we can compare a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like the USA, where carrying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
, with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like Japan, where it
is restricted
. In 2014, when the United States experienced over 18, 000 gun-related homicides, Japan had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
14 and this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
an alarming comparison that reveals how firearms ownership by mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in a country.

Second, research indicates that owning and carrying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
can
psychologically
affect our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and
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thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
commit
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crimes
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only
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because
they have
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guns
with them.
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Thus
letting
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people
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carry
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guns
puts others life in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
rather
than ensuring safety. Accidental, psychological, and family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
gunshot wounds and death are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
high in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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countries
,
especially
where
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people
can
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carry
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guns
with them, and the
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only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is to restrict the ownership of guns.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
reason the authority would permit someone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
is to ensure the safety of this person.
However
, the reality is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
contrary and allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
is actually letting criminals
also
won it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
firearms and restricting it would
significantly
decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
63Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases the crime and violence in the society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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