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In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. v.2

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. v. 2
With the globalisation and international trade facilities, international fast food brands are present in almost all major cities around the world. Fast food chains like Domino’s Pizza, Pizza Hut, Burger King, Starbucks, KFC and McDonald’s are quite popular among the people in all continents. It is true that the international fast foods are gaining more popularity while they are replacing the intake of traditional foods in many countries. In my opinion, this trend has severe negative consequences both on our family and society. First of all, people love to eat fast foods. Thus Pizza, Burger, Pepsi, Sandwich etc. are more popular among teens, office employees and other people than the traditional foods they have. The number of fast food shops is growing every day and this is quite alarming. With the busy lifestyle, people are solely relying on fast food items than preparing traditional foods at home. In a busy city, someone scarcely wants to spend time preparing foods for the family while s/he prefers to order fast foods from home. Thus we have fast food shops in every corner of our city streets while many city dwellers do not have time to prepare traditional yet hygienic and organic foods at home. As a consequence, we already have a society where overweight is a common problem. For instance, according to the recent statistics published by the healthcare ministry, every child out of 15 in our country is suffering from some kind of weight-related problems and fast food is the only reasons for that. Second, fast food is the reason we see increasing number of obese people in our community. They diet habit is directly related to our physical and mental health and the reliance on fast food is destroying the overall health of our new generation. Thirdly, the fast food items have little hygiene and lots of fats and this is one of the reasons people suffer from so many diseases these days. An ill or overweight child is sometimes a burden for a family. Food preparation and having meals together in a family is a tradition that not only brings family members together but also ensures their sound health and relationship. However, the international fast foods are decreasing our family bonding on one hand and they are severely deteriorating our health on the other hand. Finally, society and country have to allocate more budgets to treat the ill population while our reliance on fast food will only increase the number of ill people in a society. From this regards, international fast food chains is a great headache for any country. Traditional foods not only represent the tradition and value of a society but also offer the best nutrition and healthy ingredients to us. On the contrary, international fast foods destroy our well-being by decaying our health slowly and also generate a fast food loving new generation that will suffer from numerous diseases and will have a little respect for their own culture and tradition. In conclusion, it is a very pressing issue that we are relying more on fast foods than preparing traditional foods at home. This has so many negative consequences that individuals, as well as the government, should take quick and effective steps to revert the dreadful trends of eating fast foods.
With the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
trade facilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
brands are present in almost all major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains like Domino’s Pizza, Pizza Hut, Burger King, Starbucks, KFC and McDonald’s are quite popular among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in all continents. It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are gaining more popularity while they are replacing the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In my opinion, this trend has severe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences both on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
Pizza, Burger, Pepsi, Sandwich etc. are more popular among teens, office employees and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
they have. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shops is growing every day and this is quite alarming. With the busy lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
solely
relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items than preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
at home. In a busy city, someone
scarcely
wants to spend time preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
while s/he prefers to order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from home.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shops in every corner of our city streets while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
city dwellers do not have time to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
yet
hygienic and organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
at home. As a consequence, we already have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
where overweight is a common problem.
For instance
, according to the recent statistics published by the healthcare ministry, every child out of 15 in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of weight-related problems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
reasons for that.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the reason we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
increasing number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our community. They diet habit is
directly
related to our physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and the reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is destroying the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of our new generation.
Thirdly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
hygiene and lots of fats and this is one of the reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases these days. An ill or overweight child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a burden for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
preparation and having meals together in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a tradition that not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ensures their sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and relationship.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are decreasing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding on one
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hand and
they are
severely
deteriorating our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
on the other hand
.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
allocate more budgets to treat the ill population while our reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
increase the number of ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. From
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains is a great headache for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
represent the tradition and value of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
offer the best nutrition and healthy ingredients to us.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
our well-being by decaying our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
slowly
and
also
generate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
loving new generation that will suffer from numerous diseases and will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
respect for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and tradition.

In conclusion
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pressing issue that we are relying more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
than preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
at home. This has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences that individuals,
as well
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, should take quick and effective steps to revert the dreadful trends of eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
89Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
545 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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